What Are You Putting In Your Head?

Who are you when it all starts to fall apart? When the stress of work, marriage, parenting, or life in general starts to get to you, what kind of person do you become? When you feel like you can’t do it anymore, but you know you have to, what resources do you have to draw from?


It is at these times that truly test us that we find out who we truly are. It’s at these times that the choices we have made throughout our lives push us to succeed, or allow us to fail. At these times it is what we have been putting in our heads that comes back out in our actions and attitudes.

When you are faced with a new or difficult task, does your head fill with thoughts of “I can’t do this”, “I’m not good enough”, or “why me”? Or do you rise to the occasion and fill yourself with ideas like “it will be tough, but I can do it”, and “this will stretch me and make me stronger”?

When faced with adversity in life, do you turn to unhealthy coping skills like overeating and drinking alcohol; or do you look at the adversity as an opportunity, and seek out ways to conquer it?

Do you seek out chances to learn and expand yourself through travel, experience, education, reading, and socializing; or do you spend your time in front of the computer following friends Mafias and Farms, or surfing for the newest gossip on the latest celebrity to self-destruct?

When you have time for leisure, do you spend your days in front of the tv watching the latest adult cartoons, catching the entire 6-8 hours of the Cubs double-header, or playing 12-14 hours of video games; or do relax with the Discovery Channel and History Channel, or try to engage in some kind of physical activity to improve your health?

The choices we make, from the most major life decisions to what eat and how we relax shape and craft our lives. The choices we make, what we put in our heads, BECOMES our life, and creates our existence.

I don’t have it all figured out yet. I can easily lose myself in a mind-numbing tv show, or shoot-‘em-up video game for an hour or two. But I’m learning. The first time I woke up from a Facebook induced coma and realized an hour had disappeared, I knew it was time to make some changes. I started making different choices.

The great thing is, you can to. If your unhappy or frustrated with where things are going in life; sometimes, it can really be as easy as making some different choices. First start with the little ones, like what you are putting in your head, from there the bigger choices get a little bit easier.

Art credit: Luke B. Dunscombe

How Do You Deal With "The Unexpected"?

Dirty, rotten, low-down, stinking, horrible, terrible, nasty week!! That’s how it’s been around here, how about you?


We were going to attempt to take a break – a working break – in Florida. I had a conference to attend, so we planned a few extra days to rest and relax in the sun. We had an early flight, so we were going to overnight near the airport.

It never happened.

As we got to the airport the night before, I found our flight was cancelled due to the weather. We had made it 2/3 of the way to the airport, only to find out that we wouldn’t be starting our journey in the morning. I spent the next 90 minutes on the phone trying to figure out what to do – the next available flight was in 2 days – TWO DAYS – that would effectively erase any of the ‘vacation time’ we had planned before the grueling conference schedule.

But at least we would be in Florida. We would have the sun to enjoy, and we would be out of the snow.

The next morning, as we began to plan for the redefined trip, I received a call that the entire conference was cancelled due to the weather – there was no reason to go to Florida… We weren’t going to be basking in the sun any time soon.

So I started to chip away at the sheet of ice that held our vehicle motionless. I only fell twice, and only slid hard enough to hurt 4-5 times. In trying to opening the tailgate, I took the handle right off the vehicle… We finally slid home 4-5 hours after beginning the normal two hour journey.

The week, didn’t get any better from there, but I won’t bore you with the details, the important question is this – how do you deal with these kinds of weeks?

Let’s face it, we have all had these kinds of weeks – many of us had a rough week last week with the weather across the country – unexpected things pop up in life - how do you cope with it?

- When the store ran out of drive-way salt – did you complain and yell at the cashier, or solve the problem by picking up some water softener salt?

- When the kids were given a few hours, or the entire day off school – did you curse the fact that you needed to change your schedule, or did you find a way to spend some time, maybe even enjoy time, with your family?

- When your travel plans are frozen in “at least and 1-2 inches of ice and up to 12 inches of snow” do you throw the remote at the meteorologist on tv (I thought about it), or do you find a way to reinvest the money you just saved by not traveling?

- When your week is turned upside down – do you withdraw into your shell, or embrace the unexpected and see what it holds for you?

The Unexpected happens quite often, and not just in the winter – how you cope with it can define you as a person, and define your life.

Anger, frustration, resentment, withdrawal, more anger – all natural first impulses when The Unexpected crosses your path (you should’ve heard the first few minutes of finding out our flight was cancelled!), but it’s the dominant thoughts, the ones that come after the impulse and impact how you behave – those are the thoughts you have the most control over, and that are “you”.

So I encourage you to look at how you are handling The Unexpected of this winter, and in your life – if you look at your behavior and attitude and find yourself wanting, change it – you may not be able to change the first impulse, but you can change what comes after.

5 Reasons Why the Time is NOW

Procrastination is one of those words that we joke about in order to avoid truly facing and confronting it. Sometimes, it can be seen as a conflict of priorities - like how I have procrastinated on writing this article all weekend; instead I chose to spend the weekend watching football with friends, spending time talking about life, and playing cards until way past out "bed times" - it was well worth it, it was higher up on my list of priorities, but now I have to face the consequences of my choices, and deal with the effects of my procrastination.

There are many times in life where your procrastination will only affect you - as my procrastination is only affecting me now. Usually it just means that you will have to work a little harder, a little faster, a little longer, and maybe a little later when you finally do "get around to it".

However, there are times when your procrastination impacts more than just you; or impacts you in such a way that it is more than just an inconvenience. These situations appear to be more and more prevalent. Here are just a few of the examples when NOW is the time to do something, and procrastination isn't such a joke:

- When the doctor says "your blood pressure is too high - you have to change your diet and start exercising, NOW is the time to make those changes, not next week. When you "wait until next week", "next week" quickly becomes next month, and 5 years have gone by. It may not be as easy to get that blood pressure under control.

- When your child says "look at me", or "will you play with me", or one of the myriad of other questions they may ask you, NOW is the time to pay attention, wholeheartedly, if just for a few seconds. More than likely, nothing that you are doing is going to have more of an impact on the world, than giving that child a few minutes to feel like they are the most importantly person in your world - you teach them they are valued, and you give them the attention they need to grow and develop to be a happy and healthy person.

- When your spouse says to you "I need more attention", or "I would like to improve our relationship", or "I think we need some help", NOW is the time to turn off the tv and give your undivided attention. If you haven't turned off the television enough times in the past, it may be time to call someone for help, or at the very least, check out the helpful work of the folks at the Gottman Institute and their work Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship

- When you are too stressed to sleep, too depressed to get up, or too anxious to go about your day; NOW is the time to do something about it. It MIGHT get better on it's own, but seeking the help you need, or gaining access to the resources that can help, WILL make things better quicker. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it, the only shame is delaying the time it takes to feel better.

- When you have a dream so big that you get excited just thinking about it - NOW is the time to take action! Are you going to train to run a 5k or a marathon? Is it time to leave your job and start your own business? Do you want to publish your ideas or research in your field? Whatever your goal, NOW is the time to start. We live in a time ripe with opportunity, possibility, and new and evolving technologies to success and accomplish. The only thing that is holding you back is your procrastination. The only thing holding you back is you.

It's the End of the Year as We Know It

I've talked quite a bit about goal setting and reviewing the past year here in these articles, and in my daily work. I thought that if I was prescribing this for everyone else, it would probably be a good idea for me to engage in some of the same behavior. So I thought it might be helpful for both you and I if I shared some of my goals for the upcoming year - hopefully you can help me with that much needed accountability, and I can do the same for you.

2010 has been a heck of a ride - both personally and globally. The year had its share of up's and down's - of course, I am hoping for more up's than down's in the next year. I've thought of quite a few goals to help - ironically, I found it easy to write about the theory of effective goal setting a few weeks ago, but not so easy to implement in my own goal-setting; specific, measurable, and time-stamped - let's see if I can do that here. Finally, I get the feeling that there will be plenty of accountability through writing these down - maybe more than I bargain for.

A New Direction Counseling website and newsletter make-over. That's right, it's time to update and revamp the website and newsletter. I'm not sure what it will look like for sure - I've got a bunch of ideas dancing around - but it's going to be different. If not by the end of March 2011, then I expect some loud and obvious 'accountability' directed my way.

More opportunities for "Take Home Therapy" in the new site. I had quite a bit of fun creating the Food and Your Mental Health audios. I've got quite a few ideas to offer assistance when it comes to your mental health and wellness, and that of your family, short of coming in to my office. I think 2011 is the year to share more of those ideas. So, by the close of 2011, expect at least two new opportunities for "Take Home Therapy" available on the website. I'm not sure if that will come in the form of audio, video, or printed material, but it will be something - two somethings - by the end of the year.

Let me ask you, what are some topics or ideas you would like to see covered in a "Take Home Therapy" section outside of this newsletter? What do you think would benefit our communities? Feel free to email or comment with your ideas.

A book. Maybe two. From inside my head, to a bound collection of paper - or something more electronic in its representation, like an E-book. I've been putting this off for too long, and now 2011 is the year I will do it. It may be as simple as a collection of articles from over the years, things I have printed here or not. Then again, it could be original work along the lines of the Family Plan idea I've been sketching out - it could be both. Either way, you will see 1-2 books / e-books from me in 2011. If they are not in your hand within 370 days - I would appreciate a large amount of accountability.

Finally, one more half-marathon. May 2011. I'm already registered, now I only need to get to the starting line then to the finish line with a few miles in between. This time around, I hope to maintain my streak of beating my training partner - which should be too hard, as I would assume he is reading this article with a donut in one hand, and the tv remote in the other hand. This time around, I'd like to train consistently enough to beat my previous outings by at least a few minutes. It's been three years since I wasn't even able to run for one sustained minute. To celebrate, I'd like to beat my old time by 3-minutes. That's as simple as following the training schedule that starts in January. I'm going to need some accountability and discipline for that.

Four BIG goals - two by the end of the year; two in the first half of the year. I can do it. It's going to be a lot of work, but it will be worth it.

What about you?

What are your BIG goals for next year? Have you started planning yet? Have you written them down and thought about how to hold yourself accountable? Who will help you with your accountability?

Enjoy the rest of 2010. Make a great new year.

How to Design a Successful New Year's Resolution

2010 is coming to a close – there’s still quite a few days left to be enjoyed in the year, and I hope you are making plans to have a wonderful close to 2010. It is usually this time of year when we start talking about “resolutions” for next year . OK, so most of us don’t start
thinking about these resolutions for a few more weeks, but if you want them to be successful, I’m here to encourage you to start thinking about your goals now, versus on December 31st.

What factors help to make a goal successful? Or, a better question may be, how can you insure that you will be successful in YOUR goals in 2011?

Your goal should be specific and measureable. If you want to lose weight or become healthier, it is helpful to define what that means in specific and measureable terms. How much weight do you want to lose? What, specifically, does it mean to be “healthier” – less fast food, more veggies, a combination of both? If you want to put yourself in a better financial situation, how do you plan to do that? Will you save more? How much? Will you spend less? How much less? The first step in setting a goal and working towards success is to make that goal specific and measureable.

The next biggest factor in insuring your goal is successful is to put an expiration date on it – time stamp it – put it on the calendar. By adding a sense of time and urgency, you encourage yourself to break down the goal into bite-sized chunks over smaller periods of time. If you want to lose 20 pounds, when do you want to lose it by; March? June? Next year? 20 pounds in two months is an average of 2.5 pounds per week; extending that goal out 6 months makes it even easier. But the bottom line is setting a time limit helps you to make a more realistic weekly break-down. This works just as easily for financial goals – whether saving or paying down debt – by setting a measureable goal with a time-stamp, you can break it down into smaller, manageable chunks.

Finally, one key factor in achieving your goals is to build in accountability. You can be accountable to yourself by writing the goal down and reviewing your progress every week – you can also incorporate a variety of tools – there are tons online and just as many you can put on your phone for weight-loss, exercise, calorie counting, financial saving, etc. Sometimes, adding accountability is as simple as asking a trusted friend or companion to hold you accountable to your goal, or to work with you on the same goal.

Have a great holiday season, Merry Christmas, and good luck in the new year.

The Dangerous Side of Self-Talk

I always hated public speaking. My first speech in my first speech class was horrifying. My classmates were concerned I was going to drop dead on the spot. I sweat profusely enough that it was raining on my notes. My face was beet red - I may have stopped breathing for 8-9 minutes. It was bad. From that moment on I swore never to speak publicly again.

What a cruel joke life can play on us. I've had to do quite a bit of public speaking over the past 15+ years. Initially, it was by force; eventually, I grew to like it. Today, I think it is quite fun. Rumor has it, I'm pretty "OK" at it. So it wasn't that big of a deal when I was asked to read in front of the entire church this past weekend. It wasn't even like I was speaking, just reading. I knew to take the time to review the material and practice a few times. It should've been a piece of cake, just like it had been a dozen times before.

Apparently, life had a few lessons to remind me of that day - because they came flooding back once I was up there, stammering in front of 100 people (no, wait, maybe it was 200 - surely it was a thousand; possibly even ten thousand, my mind raced...)

It really is an amazing phenomenon how your brain can split off and do multiple things at one time - "multi-tasking" we sometimes call it today.

While I was up there reading a few verses I had practiced for several days, my mind was going everywhere it shouldn't. My self-talk was in danger of derailing the entire situation. While I was only reading for a few moments, my brain was able to conjure up a million negative thoughts, ideas, and appraisals - all directed at how terrible I was doing. Imagine these ideas coming at you at light-speed, all generated by your own voice in your head:

- Everyone is looking at you
- They can't even hear you
- Why are they looking at you like that
- You learned the wrong stuff!
- Nobody is even paying attention
- You are reading the wrong stuff!
- I knew you would say the wrong word there!
- You are TERRIBLE at this!
- Your stammering
- You're sweating!
- Can they see me sweat?
- Your voice is cracking
- You should stop
- He's going to tell you to stop


Of course, the other obvious idea that came to mind was, "you should really write about this".

I know many of us experience this phenomenon of negative self-talk throughout the day. When we experience it too much, it can be detrimental to our mental and emotional health, or self-esteem, relationships, and our work. The bottom line is, it's just not healthy to go through your day telling yourself these negative things, ESPECIALLY when they are irrational, unreal, and far from the truth!

There are a variety of ways to reverse this course. Change your negative self-talk into positive self-talk. It really can be as simple as saying more positive things to yourself: I am succeeding, I'm not too bad at this, I'll get through this, etc.

Taking the time away from a critical situation to consider your negative self-talk can also help. Once you read this article, take a few minutes to write down a list of the negative things you say to yourself. Then write the positive on the other side of the paper. In doing that, you have just taken a huge step in changing your self-talk.

Dan Recommends

Just as patterns of negative self-talk can impact our mental and emotional health; negative patterns in our relationships can have an unhealthy effect on us, and those around us. I've found myself recommending this book to a lot of people lately - if you are struggling in your marriage, or would simply like to improve an already strong relationship, this is a great research based, but easy to read guide.

Are You Hitting Your Peaks?

There are those glorious moments in life when we just feel like everything is perfect; Maslow summed it up as "those sudden feelings of intense well-being that fill us with wonder and awe; a beautiful sunset in an amazing vacation location, experiencing that "AH HA moment" after searching or an answer, summiting the peak of a previously insurmountable. There are many more to describe, despite how infrequently they seem to occur.


A recent Psychology Today article seems to suggest that we can help ourselves achieve more of these peak moments through a few simple alterations to our decisions and behavior. Here are a few ideas to help you experience more. If your life seems to be passing in a dull blur, try these steps for having more highlights.

Volunteer. The best way to not only create peak experiences, but keep them rolling in like waves, one after another, is to be part o a larger community that is making the world a better place", says Jeffrey Kottler, Professor of Psychology at California State University. "It doesn't really matter where you being... just save one person or join one cause, and let it grow from there. The passion can follow the action."

Challenge yourself. Something I am constantly encouraging others to do, and working on myself. "Periods of struggle to overcome challenges are what people find the most enjoyable times of their lives", says Mihaly Csikszentmihaly, director of the Quality of Life Center at the University of Chicago and author of Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. He advises setting a tough goal and starting on the steps that will lead to success. The challenge can be physical, mental, or a combination, like learning to play a musical instrument, reading the complete works of a famous classical author or poet, or completing a triathlon.

Buy Experiences - Not Things. This idea seems so difficult in a culture that is constantly marketing to us to buy the latest greatest and newest toy. These new toys usually make us extremely happy, for a very short amount of time... I rarely hear people rave about their new phone or computer for more than a few weeks after the purchase - and usually they are complaining if they bought in a manner where they have to pay continually (credit). But you frequently here them share about the amazing vacation they took with their family, or the wonderful dinner they splurged on, or the show that took their breathe away. Buy a child a new toy, and they will eventually forget about it, share time or an experience with your child, and they will talking about it as an adult.

Daydream about the future. "If you want to cultivate more memorable experiences, you have to have a love affair with the future", says Shane Lopez of the Gallup polling organization. "Painting a colorful picture will provide the energy to move forward". Daydreaming about the future, planning a course of action, and achieving is a sure method to more peak moments.

Recommended Reading:
 
If you are looking for more peak experiences and trying to achieve them in a creative way, this book is for you. I love Hugh McLeod's humor and his inspiring art. This book is full of both.

9 Ways to Stop Stress Before You Explode

There are very few certainties that touch us all in this mortal experience, but of the absolutes is that we will experience hardship and stress at some point. - Dr. James C. Dobson

We all experience stress, it's a natural and normal part of being a person; but it's how we experience it, and how much we let it into our lives that makes us different.

In previous articles I shared about the negative, life-threatening aspects of stress, and some techniques to relax or relieve stress. But what about dealing with the stress head-on? What about dealing with it in a way that it doesn't get to the point of frustration?

I have found that there are generally two ways to "manage" stress, to deal with it before it becomes too great; you can either change the stressor by avoiding or altering it; or you can change yourself by adapting or accepting the situation. Here are nine ways to alter or avoid stress:

Avoid unnecessary stress. Not all stress can be avoided, but the key concept here is identifying what may be "unnecessary" in your life:

Learn to say "NO" - know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, refuse to accept additional responsibility when you are already struggling with the ones you have. When taking on one more volunteer project for your child's school might push you over the edge, it's OK to say "no" to being asked to be "Head Room Dad"...

Avoid people who stress you out - if there is a particular person in your life who always adds stress, limit your time with them, or end the relationship completely.

Take control of your environment - If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic's got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route.

Avoid hot-button topics - if discussing politics always ends in a shouting match about how "TERRIBLE" the President is, was, or will be; maybe it's better to discuss the weather. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it's the topic of discussion.

Cut back on the do-to list - If your calendar is loaded all day, every day; maybe it's time to take inventory of what things really "MUST" be done, and what "should" or "could" be done.

If you can't avoid the stress, there is a good change you may be able to alter it; altering the situation often has a lot to do with altering your response to it.

Express your feelings, versus bottling them up - communicating your concerns in a respectful and open manner can go a long way in changing the situation; allowing frustration and resentment to build up will only result in increased stress.

Be willing to compromise - When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you'll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.

Be more assertive - Don't take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing your best to anticipate and prevent them.

Manage your time better - Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. Very often, poor time management sneaks in to your life, and you don't even recognize it. When you're stretched too thin and running behind, it's hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead and make sure you don't overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress you're under.

How Stress Will Kill You

Stress was a great thing for us to feel thousands of years ago when we needed it. Back then, man needed stress to warn him of approaching doom - some large animal coming to eat him or his family, or war coming from the next tribe over. Stress was a survival mechanism that told the man, "fight or run". Once the danger had passed, the physical sensations that came along with "fight or run" went away - increased heart rate and blood flow, rush of adrenaline, slowed digestion, focused vision (sometimes tunnel vision), and overall physical excitation diminished. The man was allowed to return to his resting state and he did what men a thousand years ago did - not much - eat, sleep, procreate. It was a pretty limited, but easy-going existence.

Fast forward a few thousand years, and have we messed things up. Today, our bodies have a greater tendency to be in fight or flight mode due to some perceived danger - no longer do we fear the pending doom of being eaten by a large animal with big teeth. Instead we fear the doom of not making enough money, making too much money, not having the right job or car or mate or home or television. We fear being too thin or too fat, too tall or too short, too old or too young. We fear not making it to the couch to watch our favorite tv shows; or we have recorded so many "favorite" shows, that we fear never having enough time to watch all of them!

We have a lot of things to fear that our ancient relatives did not. Or at least we think we do.

All that fear is killing us slowly. Prolonged stress does terrible things to the human body and mind.

There is plenty of science out there to tell us the same.
I'll give you an example. Let me tell you a little story about a person I know. We'll call him...Dan.

Dan worked a 40+ hour per week job as a manager at a local facility. He was dedicated to his job, but also dedicated to "the big idea" of moving up and moving on. Therefore, Dan pushed himself hard to make everyone happy at work. Sometimes this meant working over, or coming in early. He traveled quite a bit. It was a stressful job, but it was the path to the "next big thing".

Dan was a dedicated father and husband, but found it difficult to make everyone at work happy, and everyone happy at home. Home life was stressful. Work life was stressful. But Dan was in pursuit of "the big idea", so the stress was "OK". The more stress the better, because that meant "the next big thing" was getting closer - so he added a few more jobs, more work and more stress to the mix.

With all the fighting or fleeing the perceived dangers at work and at home - trying to fight the beast of climbing the corporate ladder and being the traditional family - Dan had little time for eating right or exercising. He put something in his mouth that came out of a window from a building several times each day. He was too busy fleeing from place to place to worry about nutrition. When he was tired, he drank plenty of caffeine - sleep would have to wait.

Eventually, the stress and stressful living became too much. A day came when Dan "didn't feel so well". His stomach hurt, so he found a quick fix and took a pill - he didn't have time to figure out what the problem was, he was pushing himself to fight or flee.

The next morning, Dan's appendix exploded - apparently it had been sick for quite some time. He spent nine days in the hospital and lost 30 pounds. There were plenty of tubes and needles. He was forced to take three weeks bed rest to recover after the hospital. Dan didn't take the time to stop the stress, so his body made the decision for him.

It could have been worse. Most over-stressed people succumb to a heart-attack or stroke later in life. The compounding factors stress heaps upon the body will produce death - it's usually a matter of time.

That guy, Dan, was pretty lucky.

There are two ways to deal with stress:

Remove / reduce / get rid of the stressor

Cope with the stressor


We tend to force ourselves into more and more stress out of some perceived fear. Many times, a choice can be made to remove the stress, or alter the stress.

When that choice cannot be made, there are very effective coping skills for us to use.

Either way, you must choose. If not, circumstance, or your body, will choose for you.

Time to Take Your Medicine

"Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing." - Voltaire

It's hard to deny that we live in a time when modern science has a cure for everything that ails you. Just turn on the television for a few minutes, and you will find advertisements for magic pills to cure everything from heart burn and indigestion, to melancholy and malaise, anxiety, hyperactive and inattentive children, to male sexual dysfunction - usually within 24-48 hours of beginning treatment (taking your first pill). As long as you don't mind the possibility of 100 side-effects that could range from dry mouth to death, we have a cure for you.

But it's not a cure. It's temporary relief.

"Medicine can only cure curable disease, and then not always" - Chinese Proverb

Despite this proverb, we still tend to think our ailments are quickly curable. We have been taught to expect immediate relief even from diseases and disorders that have taken a life-time to cultivate.

Specifically, I'm talking about issues related to depression, anxiety, or childhood ADHD. These are areas I tend to know well, and have worked with quite a bit. Please understand this: THERE ARE TIMES WHEN MEDICATION IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! But it has been my experience that those times are not as frequent as we might think.

I greatly appreciate the work of our modern physicians. They have an extremely difficult job of managing a large volume of patients, while fretting over ever-increasing malpractice law-suits which bring about exorbitant malpractice insurance payments (I have heard of rates of $150,000 per year). It's no wonder they are forced to see patients in brief chunks of time and have to respond with the quickest solution possible. This solution often tends to be the most recent pill they have been encouraged to prescribe by the last drug company salesman to come through their door.

It's not an easy job. I believe they do their best. Their goal is to "do no harm", and to hopefully help you, but they are often victims of a very difficult system of insurance, government mandates, and drug company profit-margins.

I encourage you to be an advocate for your own health when it comes to the aforementioned issues of depression, anxiety, and ADHD; and to work with several partners to find the best possible solution for you and your family, rather than accepting the pill that was last recommended by the last drug company. The pills are often not the best answer.

If you have been on the same medication for more than a year, it may be time to re-evaluate. If you have been on the same medication for several years, I would suggest that it is no longer effective. After prolonged use, your body builds up a tolerance; you can either increase the amount of the same substance, or move on to a stronger substance. The pattern can continue with increasing substances but diminishing returns for your anxiety, depression, or ADHD.

For me, it's been a great frustration and sadness to hear of people who have been on the same prescription anti-depressant or mood stabilizer for 10 years (no exaggeration), but can't seem to get control of their struggles.

Our physicians are brilliant and caring people. But they are people, and they are fallible. If you struggle with these issues, I encourage you to partner with other professional outside your physicians office. You may find considerable help with a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. They may suggest to you a myriad of alternative solutions. Some things that may help these issues, and overall health:

Diet - medication alters our chemistry, so does food. Very often what we eat can impact our moods and concentration. Sometimes simply improving diet can have a huge impact on mental health and wellness.

Exercise - increasing physical activity improves just about every bodily process.

Stress relief - removing stress from your life, or learning to cope with it differently can greatly improve anxiety and depression.

Behavioral interventions - for children struggling with ADHD, small alterations to parenting, home life, or school life can make great improvements in attentiveness and activity.

Meditation - Several thousand years of Eastern philosophy can't be wrong. Learning to meditate for just a few minutes each day can have considerable positive impact.

Cognitive interventions - do you want to think differently about yourself or your situation? Is your thinking depressed or anxious? If you change it, you can change a lot of how you view your world - but sometimes that's a little easier said than done on your own.

These are a just a few examples of the possible interventions outside of your physician's office. Let me again say, THERE ARE TIMES WHEN MEDICATION IS NECESSARY. However, I believe we have been trained to seek the immediate, but short term solution, rather than working with our physician and other health professionals to do what is best for ourselves.

If you are taking medication for anxiety or depression, or if your child is taking medication for ADHD, and the results have been less than you hoped; or the medication use has gone on for quite a while, or if you simply want to explore alternative solutions, I encourage you to do so, and I want you to know that there are solutions available.

"In medicine, as in statecraft and propaganda, words are sometimes the most powerful drugs we can use." - Dr. Sara Murray Jordan

Why Me?!

All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. -Walt Disney

If you call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be. -John Heywood

Perhaps there exists a possible benefit when hardship is also accepted as part of human life. -Bruce Wayne

Call it what you will: obstacles, struggles, adversity, pain-in-the-neck... Difficult times are a reality in our lives. As noted by the aforementioned quotes, struggle and overcoming obstacles is a reality for those who have succeed in life like Walt Disney, and something popular to discuss in literature from poetry to comic books. The concept is evident and obvious throughout time and place. It is well documented throughout history. So with all this information on adversity, why do we struggle with how we handle our struggles?

In recent times, adversity has confronted us in many well-publicized ways; natural disasters, struggling economy, job losses, international political confrontations. Many of us also struggle with more common day-to-day obstacles in our personal lives: work difficulties, financial concerns, relationship issues , mental / emotional / physical / or spiritual health concerns - the list could go on, because adversity presents itself in all facets of life.

Although these struggles are not unique, nor are they uncommon, they are unique in the way they are found in your life, the way they present themselves in your day, and how you choose to handle them.

There are a few obvious ways you can choose to manage the obstacles and adversity in your life.

Blame & Complain - this is an option that tends to be self-defeating and troubling to others around us, but also one of the easiest to engage in. It is much simpler, and therefore sometimes much more rewarding in the short-term, to blame the obstacle or the cause of the adversity in our life. Although not much progress is made, we tend to feel satisfied that we a target to focus our frustration on. Sometimes the more anger we can muster towards the obstacle, the better we feel about not doing anything about it. To add to the energy we spend blaming, we often engage in speaking out vigorously and aggressively about the obstacle - complaining. The two are often found together because they are easy.

If I could paint a picture of this solution to adversity, I suggest you imagine a large boulder in your path. You want to get somewhere - you are on a stroll towards a wonderful vista, and there is a giant rock blocking your path. The Blame & Complain solution would be to spend the next several days cursing at the rock, scolding the rock for being in your way, kicking and/ or hitting the rock, then resume cursing. The pattern could go on for quite a while - as long as you'd like.

Avoid - somewhat easier, and more self-defeating, is the solution of avoiding the problem. By pretending the problem doesn't exist, or by turning your back on it, you can trick yourself to think that you couldn't, or didn't want to, move past that obstacle in the first place. This solution often works for quite a while, until you realize that you really DID want to see that vista, or accomplish that goal, or improve that relationship, or doing something about your health - then the trick you played on yourself becomes a source of frustration and dissatisfaction.

In our picture, it would be the person who turns around and walks away from the boulder, walks away from the vista, only to realize much later on that they really wanted to get to that destination. There is a strong positive to this idea thought - and that is, at some point returning to conquer that obstacle.

The final style of dealing with adversity in life has a variety of names: succeed, achieve, strive, accomplish, conquer, goal-set; again, the list could go on. This is the act of acknowledging the obstacle, planning a path to the other side, and then implementing it. This can be done with most any obstacle in life.


Trying to climb over the rock, or squeeze around it, or fly over may work - it may not - but continued attempts to do something about it will get you to that vista.

Will every plan succeed? No. But something is gained or learned in every attempt - very often the act of failing can be enough to propel you over, around, past or through the obstacle. You can have an impact on the adversity in your life by doing something about it. It won't always work perfectly. But it will move you in some way further than where you were.

What are you doing about the adversity in your life today?

Are you blaming it? Are you avoiding it? Or are you planning a path through it?

Five Steps to Better Communication

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. - Epictetus, Greek philosopher

It has only been a few years since email and texting have dominated our communication habits. There are arguments on either side of the debate - for or against. Regardless of where you stand, it is impossible to ignore the obvious fact that texting and email has changed how we communicate. As technology continues to evolve, it will be interesting to see how our communication continues to evolve.


Despite our technological advances, one-to-one, face-to-face communication is still the foundation of our relationships with each other. Communication between spouses, peers, co-workers, or parent-to-child shares information, conveys emotions, and exchanges ideas. Healthy communication builds relationships, businesses, and communities. It is one of the pillars upon which a healthy lifestyle is built.

There are several key components to maintain healthy communication with others:

Pay attention - simple, yet increasingly more difficult in our hyper-connected world. Give the person you are speaking with your undivided attention and acknowledge the message both verbally and non-verbally. One of the most difficult parts of paying attention is genuinely listening to what is being said without mentally preparing your rebuttal or thinking about what you are going to say next.

Show that you are listening - let your speaker know you are paying attention by nodding occasionally. Smile and offer other facial expressions. Note your posture and make sure that it is open and not closed-off. You can also show that you are listening through giving your speaker small verbal cues to continue speaking.

Provide feedback - our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions. Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is..." and "Sounds like you are saying..." are great ways to reflect back. You can also ask questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say..." "Is this what you mean?"

Defer judgment - if paying attention is difficult, there are times deferring judgment can be impossible. But it is one of the most important components of healthy communication. Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message. Allow the speaker to finish. Don't interrupt with counter-arguments.

Respond Appropriately - these steps offer a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down. Be candid, open, and honest in your response. Assert your opinions respectfully. Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.

These steps should be used communicating with anyone in your life - spouse, coworker, child, friend, etc. It takes deliberate action and focus to be a good communicator.

Concentrate on your listening and remind yourself that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside your thoughts and judgments in order to really pay attention to your speaker. By reminding yourself of these steps, you will become a better communicator, and will be heard by those you speak with.

Destination or Journey?

"Life's a journey, not a destination" - many wise sages throughout history and geography have made statements similar to this. I have been known to make similar statements. Until a late afternoon in June, when I thought of those wise comments and thought "What a bunch of GARBAGE!", or something very similar.

Let me share a story of how I came to this conclusion, and the wise moments during the "journey".

Camping has long been an important part of my life with friends and family. Through my time camping, I have learned of three different styles of camper, the RV camper, the car camper, and the hiker - each with their unique variations. The RV camper enjoys the luxuries of home in a large motor-driven coach, usually parked in a campground. The car camper usually throws a tent the size of a large bathroom or small living room in a car, with as many luxuries of home as can be fit into said car - cooler for beverages, grill for tasty food, etc. The hiker puts his world on his back, goes out into the woods, and "roughs it" for the sake of getting in touch with his (or her) more primal nature. Sounds pretty cool, doesn't it?

I've RV camped and car camped. I've done a lot of car camping with my family, as well as friends. Each time, we come a little bit closer to RV camping - bring along extension cords, fans, cell-phone chargers, mini-fridges... It was becoming quite embarrassing. We may as well stay at home and just leave the windows open.

So a small group of friends and I decided we wanted to "rough it". We were going to become hiker/backpackers, we were going to march into the woods somewhere and learn to live like the guys on Dual Survival, or Man vs. Wild, or Survivorman.

We took the time to do the research. We acquired the backpacks and all the things we needed to put in them. We took time to map out a route deep in the Hoosier National Forest. Then we did it. We set out for a 4-day journey in the woods.

The first night we parked out cars at a sparse horse campground and enjoyed the last cold water and small luxuries we had in our cars. We pitched our tents and had dreams of survival grandeur.

The next morning, we packed up, put our 40lb packs on our backs and started hiking into the woods. It was 85 degrees. We had planned an 8-9 mile hike to a large lake, where we would camp for the evening. We were all quite chipper about our "journey".

The "journey" was horrible. "40 lbs" is small in print, it's heavy when it's crammed on your shoulders and waist. Despite my sincerest hope, there are no escalators on the trail. But there are huge expanses of deep mud, also expanses of shallow mud, fallen trees to climb over, needle-laden branches to spike you in the face should you choose not to climb over the fallen trees, large rocks to trip you, small rocks to get in your shoes, large hills, small mountains... there are a lot of obstacles.

The one thing the trail did not have was water. Miraculously, all the streams we thought would be there were a bit dry.
Our destination was looking more and more important. Our "journey" less and less "fun".

It got rough. We soldiered on. But our spirits were falling as made the last drop in elevation to a clearing, and then the lake. The destination was heaven. Until we realized the flies bit, and the mosquitoes buzzed no matter how much DEET you thought you had on. We enjoyed the lake, as warm as it was, and filtered plenty of water to drink.

Our journey had ended, but we were miserable. This was Day 1.

We learned that the temperature had come close to 100 degrees, and that the next day, it was supposed to be worse. A heat advisory was issued. We decided we would hike back to the cars in the morning, and call an end to the trip.

We broke camp early the next day and sweat through breakfast. We hit the trail and realized that our grandparents had been right - despite my childhood giggling at their comments then, I had found it was possible to go "uphill....BOTH ways".

If the trip out was tough, the trip back was demoralizing. The "journey" was horrible. It hurt. We were fearful that "the big guy" might have to be dragged out, as every turn we took that we hoped was the parking lot, his shoulders dropped farther, and his groan of discontent was somewhat harder to hear.

Obviously we made it. We got to the nearest gas station and sat in the air-conditioning and drank more cold Gatorade than is healthy for one person to drink. We parted ways and rolled our eyes at the thought of doing it again.

Ironically, it only took 2-3 days before we started planning the next trip, seeking the next destination, hoping for a better journey.

I took some time to reflect on the entire adventure and found a lot of similarities to life that I thought would be worth sharing.

Most significantly, despite what the sages say (yes, and what I have said), life is a journey AND a destination. If it wasn't for the scenic vista at the end of the first day - the lake, water, and hammock - if it wasn't for the destination of the second day - getting to our cars, cold water, and air-conditioning; there would have been no point to the journey. The destination was the point of the journey, it was the destination we wanted to get to. There is no shame in doing it for the destination.

Of course, the cursed journey is what made such a simple destination such an amazing destination. We had been to that lake many times before, but never had we appreciated it so much. We had cold water and air-conditioning in the past, but never had we been so thankful.

Of course, when we paid attention to the journey, when we looked back on it, we learned a lot - what to take, what not to take, how to lighten our load, and to NEVER again go in the middle of June...

The journey taught us a lot about our selves, and each other; just as any journey should.

Most importantly for me, I learned that I need to seek out more destinations, because that's what makes the journey worthwhile.

I encourage you to do the same. Whether it is outdoors camping, in your professional life, or a personal goal - set a destination, plan your journey, and do it. If you have to cut your journey short, learn from it. If your journey is miserable and makes you feel like dying, pay attention to it. If your journey is sweet and easy, be thankful.

Whatever you do, however many journeys you have, continue to seek out new destinations and journey towards them.

Life has enough room for both.

Be the Best

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you". - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

There is a fundamental human need in each of us to become the best we can be. To be the best "what" is often the question - the best man, best woman, best father, best mother, best wife, best husband, best business person, best doctor, best manager, best teacher, best widget maker, best cook, best tv-watcher, best athlete, best non-athlete, best whatever. Each one means something different to different people. But the fundamentals remain the same; we all have an innate drive, a motivation to strive. A desire to be the best we can be.

Abraham Maslow called it a desire for "self-actualization". You may remember reading about Maslow and his hierarchy of needs years ago in an introductory psychology class, or high school biology class. He theorized that we all have this drive towards self-actualization, but that it takes considerable work and effort to get there; after all, you don't just wake up one morning the best widget-maker or best athlete in the world, it takes time, work, education, practice, failing, doing to get there - contrary to what most 3am info-mercials may tell you....

Maslow simplified the effort to get there - to reach self-actualization - into a hierarchy of needs, a series of steps to get there; often seen as a pyramid, with each layer being a necessary foundation to achieve the next layer, or goal:










Maslow believed we must first have our basic physiological needs taken care of - do we have enough food to eat and roof over our head? If we do, we feel safe and secure and can build further security. Through the process of building security, the goal is to develop a sense of belonging - often in a family, work group, or intimate relationship. If we are able to achieve this belonging we will develop esteem, and hopefully, eventually work on becoming the best we can be, or achieve self-actualization.

His ideas continue to indicate there will be hiccups along the way - obstacles to achieving these goals - can be the cause of frustration, stress, and distress in our lives. If we are not able to have our basic human needs met, or if we cannot procure the resources needed to feel secure, we cannot move to building relationships or developing esteem. If we are unable to have healthy relationships or do not have a sense of respect for others, we will not move on towards being the best we can be.

Maslow's Hierarchy is a great tool to use to look at our selves - to determine where the obstacles might be in our lives, and how we can work to move past them.

Maslow didn't believe that many people reach the pinnacle of his pyramid. He thought the obstacles were too many, and that we were not able to overcome them to move on.

I take a different view. I believe that sometimes just knowing that self-actualization exists, and that we can achieve it, is motivating. By looking at our lives and determining where the obstacles are, we can work through them and move towards becoming the best we can be.

Where are you today in Maslow's Hierarchy? How are you moving past obstacles in your life? Are you on your way to achieving self-actualization?

Failure IS an Option

"Success or failure depends more upon attitude than upon capacity. Successful men act as though they have accomplished or are enjoying something. Soon it becomes a reality. Act, look, feel successful, conduct yourself accordingly, and you will be amazed at the positive results." - William James

As I was researching for this article, my daughter serendipitously entered in the room and, as is her nature, started asking questions about whatever was nearby. Now, if you've read some my previous work on parenting, you'll know that I strive to be a democratic parent - but often fail mightily as I face self-imposed deadlines and the pressure of "I've GOT to get this done". Therefore, it was an internal battle I fought against the urge to rush her on her way, and listened to her questions about all the words on a calendar she had in her hand.

As she recognized the letters and tried to put them together, rather than attempting to pronounce the word, she would ask me what the word was, and I would encourage her to sound it out, she would ask me, I would encourage her, never giving her the answer she wanted. This cycle went on for quite a while. What I witnessed was the exact premise of this article, wrapped up in a little 5-year old package with pig tails.

She knew the letters, she knew the sound they made, she knew how to put them together, I had witnessed her do this exercise countless times. But she didn't want to move forward, she didn't want to step into the unknown, she didn't want to get it wrong, she didn't want to try and fail.

Instead, she wanted to stay comfortably unaware. If I would have let her stay comfortable, we would have both gone about our days. But instead, I offered little bits of stepping-stone like encouragement, and she painstakingly and trepidatiously worked through the words; "Monday"... "Tuesday"...etc. The bright eyed, giggly joy she felt in finding a solution to her problem on her own was contagious. We shared that success throughout the day as we went about our individual tasks.

Obviously, that is a story of success; small success for most of us who have learned to read and have been at it for years; a monumental success for a 5-year old who is just now figuring it out. How do the points in this little anecdote relate to you, and your desire to change in your life? As I witnessed the experience, I was amazed at how her story fits with many adults path of change. Whether it is losing weight, stopping smoking, starting a business, or improving your overall mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health - the paths to success are all similar.

Do you fear failure? Are you worried that you won't "get it right" the first time? Do you hold yourself back from trying or even thinking about change, because the idea of failure just won't let you move forward?

Do you have the foundation, the plan, to make change successful? She had her "A-B-C's" and a basic understanding of their sounds - she had the plan - and it took her quite a while to learn it. Have you gone about the process of preparing for change; without that plan, she was sure to fail. Without a plan to change, you are sure to fail.

Do you have somebody to encourage you in your plan, or are you going to "go it alone". Having support, guidance and encouragement will increase your chances of success. Others can help you with your plan, and hold you accountable to following it. Trying to do it on your own increases the opportunity to fail, and sometimes can be the excuse you build into a plan for change.

Finally, have you had past success, even small success? How did it feel? Amazing? Exhilarating? Was it something you wanted to share with everyone who helped you, everyone you knew? What would it be like to accomplish something like that, or something bigger? Would you look back at that change and think, "that really wasn't that bad"?

Failure is an option. But so is starting over again, reformulating your plan and surrounding yourself with encouragement and guidance. Failure can be the end, or it can be a learning experience that builds on your next plan for change.

If you don't get it right the first time, try sounding it out again. You will be amazed how many different ways you can pronounce "Monday", before you get it right.

"A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying." -B.F. Skinner

Blueprint for Personal Change

“It takes great courage and inner strength to change from what is known and comfortable to something which is new and fresh. That which is unknown often contains our greatest potential. To seek our potential by risking change is the path of true greatness. Such action brings great favor and untold blessings.”

That quote from Eastern philosophy sums up the power and fear involved with change. Whether you want to lose weight, stop smoking, alter your thinking, or change any other aspect of your life, there is no one single aspect that works for everyone. You may have to try several techniques through trial-and-error to see what works for you. It is often during the “error” periods that people become frustrated and give up the thought of change all together. The key to change is to try different techniques until you find one that works, and to stay motivated during the down times.

Psychologists and therapists have developed a number of ways to effectively help people change their behavior. One particular theory, the ‘Stages of Change’ model, introduced in the late 1970’s by Prochaska and DiClemente, has been used to help people understand the change process. This model demonstrates that change is rarely easy and often requires a gradual progression of small steps toward a larger goal.

Understanding the elements of change, the stages of change, and ways to work through each stage can help you achieve your goals. The following is a primer on change.

In order to succeed, there are three factors that should be addressed:

• Readiness to change - Do you have the resources and knowledge to successfully make a lasting change?

• Barriers to change - Is there anything preventing you from changing, or that will prevent you from maintaining change?

• Expect relapse - What might trigger a return to a former behavior – relapse often happens. This is not a cue to give up, but a reason to try new methods. Each failed attempt to implement change only strengthens the next attempt.

Having recognized these prerequisites, knowing what the Stages of Change look like, and what to expect from each stage, is the key to successful long term change.

Precontemplation – you don’t even know you need to change yet. Often the time when you hear about your need to change from significant others, and may deny their insight.

Contemplation – you recognize we need to change mentally, but really don’t feel all that interested in making the effort to change. This stage is characterized by conflicted emotions and cognitive dissonance – thinking about change, but not striving towards it.

Preparation – you’re on your way! When in this stage, you may begin collecting information on change; possibly experimenting with small changes. This is a good time to put together resources from the internet or the community to offer advice and encouragement as you move through the change.

Action – this is it – this is when you begin to change the behavior or thinking in big ways. You cut back on smoking, you change your eating and exercising habits, or you begin to alter your negative thinking patterns. During this time, you may be focused heavily on the change in your life – it important to give the change the appropriate attention every day - reward your efforts and successes, recognize the short-comings and correct them.

Maintanence - The maintenance phase of the involves successfully avoiding former behaviors and keeping up new behaviors. During this stage, you begin to become more confident in your change. This is the time avoid temptation and to replace old habits with more positive actions.

Relapse – when going through change, relapse is a common occurrence. When you go through a relapse, you might experience feelings of failure, disappointment, and frustration. The key to success is to not let these setbacks undermine your self-confidence. If you lapse back to an old behavior, take a hard look at why it happened. This is a time for self-evaluation, not self-defeat. You can quickly recycle back to any stage in the model – making changes to the preparation or action stage to insure future success.

You may feel like giving up, but now that you have started the process, it will be difficult to enjoy the blissful ignorance of the pre-contemplation stage. The success you enjoyed will be on your mind, and you will want to get back to it soon. I recommend treating the relapse as a temporary failure and getting back to the hard work of change as quickly as possible.

I’ll talk more about the psychological and historical impact of failure in next week’s article.

6 Thoughts That Ruin Your Day

Have you ever had one of those days that goes bad right from the start? The kind of day that makes you wish you could crawl back into bed, and start over? One where you wake up late, the coffee maker won’t work, traffic is terrible, the guy driving next to you cuts you off, you equipment at work just won’t work, and it steamrolls downhill from there… I think we’ve all had a day like that at some point – but it’s when they keep adding up, day after day, when life becomes a series of frustrating events, then there is cause for concern.

Research and opinion among psychologists suggests that we have more control over these tough days than we may think. Very often it may be our thinking that influences our perspective on daily events that causes us to continue to have “bad days”. Our thinking can be a powerful force in taking a bad day and make it exponentially worse, or it can take that same rough start, and make it better quickly.

There several key patterns of thinking that can turn your day, and your life, upside down. If you notice yourself thinking along these lines, it’s probably a good idea to change it. If you change it in a positive way, you’ll notice a lot of other areas of your life changing for the better.

6 styles of thinking that cause trouble in our lives:

1. Viewing the world in Absolutes – simply allowing the words “always” and “never” to creep into our vocabulary and thinking in excessive doses can impact our thinking negatively. “Good things NEVER happen to me”, “I am ALWAYS the victim”. Nothing in life is ever really that absolute, but when we think that way, it becomes our perspective to see life as a real drag.

2. Looking at the future as a series of “What If’s” – planning for the future and looking forward to events in life is one of the great joys of being human. But when we begin to anticipate the future in a series of negative “What If’s” we can produce unhealthy doses of anxiety and look at the future with sadness and frustration.

3. Motivating yourself in life through a series of rules that you “Have To, Got To, or Must” do or something terrible is going to happen can bring on fear and anxiety. We all have things in life the “must” do; but when everything in life “has to” be accomplished out of fear, rather than because it is of personal benefit or benefit to another person, we can become pretty unhealthy.

4. When we begin to “Awful-ize” everything in life, when we view everything through the lens that is sad, terrible, or awful; bad days can drag on to be bad months and years. This pattern is often a sign of depression. When you think in terms of life experiences as being awful all the time, life can become unbearable.

5. The idea that the world and everything in it “Should” or “Ought” to be the way we need or want it to be will leave you frustrated. If you live your live believing everyone around you should behave in the way you want them to, you leave yourself open to frequent disappointment. At some point, acceptance of life and others as they are is the healthiest thinking pattern we can adopt.

6. Most philosophies or cultures have a powerful or cute little quote on the idea of “Trying versus Doing”; even the great philosopher Yoda once said, “Do or Do Not, there is no Try”. When we think or say we will “try” to accomplish something, it’s as though we are leaving the door open to avoid it. Doing is the art of setting a goal and striving for it, with the possibility of failure being an accepted reality. Trying is the art of thinking and talking about doing, without having to do.

It is normal to have thoughts like this occur occasionally. If you catch yourself in a thought following one of these patterns, recognize it, have a chuckle, and change it. It’s when these thoughts become patterns in our daily lives that we can really bring problems on ourselves. If that is the case, if you are thinking along these lines continually, it may take a bit more effort to correct the pattern. In my next newsletter, I will share more on the art and act of making changes in our lives.

Stressed?

We live in a culture of stress. We stress about work, the economy, politics, school, love, weight, tv; we even stress about stress itself. April is National Stress Awareness Month and Stress Awareness Day is on the 16th. Here are some of the latest numbers on how we see, feel, and deal with stress.

- There are two types of stress: DISTRESS, the regular stress that plagues us, and EUSTRESS, a positive form that improves productivity and performance.
- 62% of Americans are stressed about work, according to the American Psychological Association.
- One third of American children ages 8 to 17 say they worry about their family's finances. Two other major sources of childhood are HOMEWORK AND TEASING. Kid's top coping mechanisms: listening to music (44%), eating (26%), and talking to their parents (22%).
- A Wake Forest University study of 42 female monkeys found those suffering from social stress held more abdominal fat, a precursor of heart disease.
- Each year, more than 275,000,000 working days are lost in the U.S. because of stress related absenteeism.
- More than three out of five doctors visits are STRESS RELATED. In the U.S. alone, more than $22.8 BILLION is spent on anxiety-related health care each year.
- According to a psychological survey done in 1938 and in 2007, anxiety and mental health issues are 5 TIMES more common now among high-school and college students than they were at the end of the Great Depression.
- Despite their proliferation over the past 10 years, anti-anxiety medications like Xanax and Valium are NOT the best solution to stress and anxiety - coping skills such as diet, meditation, exercise, and changing one's thinking are the keys to long-term stress-free living without medication.

How do you cope with your stress? Are you equipped with the tools you need to deal with those stressful days or week? Eating healthy and exercising regularly are two key components to mitigating stress. But when these are not enough, our bodies and minds may be calling us to change the way we perceive stress or to change the stressor