What Are You Putting In Your Head?

Who are you when it all starts to fall apart? When the stress of work, marriage, parenting, or life in general starts to get to you, what kind of person do you become? When you feel like you can’t do it anymore, but you know you have to, what resources do you have to draw from?


It is at these times that truly test us that we find out who we truly are. It’s at these times that the choices we have made throughout our lives push us to succeed, or allow us to fail. At these times it is what we have been putting in our heads that comes back out in our actions and attitudes.

When you are faced with a new or difficult task, does your head fill with thoughts of “I can’t do this”, “I’m not good enough”, or “why me”? Or do you rise to the occasion and fill yourself with ideas like “it will be tough, but I can do it”, and “this will stretch me and make me stronger”?

When faced with adversity in life, do you turn to unhealthy coping skills like overeating and drinking alcohol; or do you look at the adversity as an opportunity, and seek out ways to conquer it?

Do you seek out chances to learn and expand yourself through travel, experience, education, reading, and socializing; or do you spend your time in front of the computer following friends Mafias and Farms, or surfing for the newest gossip on the latest celebrity to self-destruct?

When you have time for leisure, do you spend your days in front of the tv watching the latest adult cartoons, catching the entire 6-8 hours of the Cubs double-header, or playing 12-14 hours of video games; or do relax with the Discovery Channel and History Channel, or try to engage in some kind of physical activity to improve your health?

The choices we make, from the most major life decisions to what eat and how we relax shape and craft our lives. The choices we make, what we put in our heads, BECOMES our life, and creates our existence.

I don’t have it all figured out yet. I can easily lose myself in a mind-numbing tv show, or shoot-‘em-up video game for an hour or two. But I’m learning. The first time I woke up from a Facebook induced coma and realized an hour had disappeared, I knew it was time to make some changes. I started making different choices.

The great thing is, you can to. If your unhappy or frustrated with where things are going in life; sometimes, it can really be as easy as making some different choices. First start with the little ones, like what you are putting in your head, from there the bigger choices get a little bit easier.

Art credit: Luke B. Dunscombe

How Do You Deal With "The Unexpected"?

Dirty, rotten, low-down, stinking, horrible, terrible, nasty week!! That’s how it’s been around here, how about you?


We were going to attempt to take a break – a working break – in Florida. I had a conference to attend, so we planned a few extra days to rest and relax in the sun. We had an early flight, so we were going to overnight near the airport.

It never happened.

As we got to the airport the night before, I found our flight was cancelled due to the weather. We had made it 2/3 of the way to the airport, only to find out that we wouldn’t be starting our journey in the morning. I spent the next 90 minutes on the phone trying to figure out what to do – the next available flight was in 2 days – TWO DAYS – that would effectively erase any of the ‘vacation time’ we had planned before the grueling conference schedule.

But at least we would be in Florida. We would have the sun to enjoy, and we would be out of the snow.

The next morning, as we began to plan for the redefined trip, I received a call that the entire conference was cancelled due to the weather – there was no reason to go to Florida… We weren’t going to be basking in the sun any time soon.

So I started to chip away at the sheet of ice that held our vehicle motionless. I only fell twice, and only slid hard enough to hurt 4-5 times. In trying to opening the tailgate, I took the handle right off the vehicle… We finally slid home 4-5 hours after beginning the normal two hour journey.

The week, didn’t get any better from there, but I won’t bore you with the details, the important question is this – how do you deal with these kinds of weeks?

Let’s face it, we have all had these kinds of weeks – many of us had a rough week last week with the weather across the country – unexpected things pop up in life - how do you cope with it?

- When the store ran out of drive-way salt – did you complain and yell at the cashier, or solve the problem by picking up some water softener salt?

- When the kids were given a few hours, or the entire day off school – did you curse the fact that you needed to change your schedule, or did you find a way to spend some time, maybe even enjoy time, with your family?

- When your travel plans are frozen in “at least and 1-2 inches of ice and up to 12 inches of snow” do you throw the remote at the meteorologist on tv (I thought about it), or do you find a way to reinvest the money you just saved by not traveling?

- When your week is turned upside down – do you withdraw into your shell, or embrace the unexpected and see what it holds for you?

The Unexpected happens quite often, and not just in the winter – how you cope with it can define you as a person, and define your life.

Anger, frustration, resentment, withdrawal, more anger – all natural first impulses when The Unexpected crosses your path (you should’ve heard the first few minutes of finding out our flight was cancelled!), but it’s the dominant thoughts, the ones that come after the impulse and impact how you behave – those are the thoughts you have the most control over, and that are “you”.

So I encourage you to look at how you are handling The Unexpected of this winter, and in your life – if you look at your behavior and attitude and find yourself wanting, change it – you may not be able to change the first impulse, but you can change what comes after.

5 Reasons Why the Time is NOW

Procrastination is one of those words that we joke about in order to avoid truly facing and confronting it. Sometimes, it can be seen as a conflict of priorities - like how I have procrastinated on writing this article all weekend; instead I chose to spend the weekend watching football with friends, spending time talking about life, and playing cards until way past out "bed times" - it was well worth it, it was higher up on my list of priorities, but now I have to face the consequences of my choices, and deal with the effects of my procrastination.

There are many times in life where your procrastination will only affect you - as my procrastination is only affecting me now. Usually it just means that you will have to work a little harder, a little faster, a little longer, and maybe a little later when you finally do "get around to it".

However, there are times when your procrastination impacts more than just you; or impacts you in such a way that it is more than just an inconvenience. These situations appear to be more and more prevalent. Here are just a few of the examples when NOW is the time to do something, and procrastination isn't such a joke:

- When the doctor says "your blood pressure is too high - you have to change your diet and start exercising, NOW is the time to make those changes, not next week. When you "wait until next week", "next week" quickly becomes next month, and 5 years have gone by. It may not be as easy to get that blood pressure under control.

- When your child says "look at me", or "will you play with me", or one of the myriad of other questions they may ask you, NOW is the time to pay attention, wholeheartedly, if just for a few seconds. More than likely, nothing that you are doing is going to have more of an impact on the world, than giving that child a few minutes to feel like they are the most importantly person in your world - you teach them they are valued, and you give them the attention they need to grow and develop to be a happy and healthy person.

- When your spouse says to you "I need more attention", or "I would like to improve our relationship", or "I think we need some help", NOW is the time to turn off the tv and give your undivided attention. If you haven't turned off the television enough times in the past, it may be time to call someone for help, or at the very least, check out the helpful work of the folks at the Gottman Institute and their work Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship

- When you are too stressed to sleep, too depressed to get up, or too anxious to go about your day; NOW is the time to do something about it. It MIGHT get better on it's own, but seeking the help you need, or gaining access to the resources that can help, WILL make things better quicker. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it, the only shame is delaying the time it takes to feel better.

- When you have a dream so big that you get excited just thinking about it - NOW is the time to take action! Are you going to train to run a 5k or a marathon? Is it time to leave your job and start your own business? Do you want to publish your ideas or research in your field? Whatever your goal, NOW is the time to start. We live in a time ripe with opportunity, possibility, and new and evolving technologies to success and accomplish. The only thing that is holding you back is your procrastination. The only thing holding you back is you.

It's the End of the Year as We Know It

I've talked quite a bit about goal setting and reviewing the past year here in these articles, and in my daily work. I thought that if I was prescribing this for everyone else, it would probably be a good idea for me to engage in some of the same behavior. So I thought it might be helpful for both you and I if I shared some of my goals for the upcoming year - hopefully you can help me with that much needed accountability, and I can do the same for you.

2010 has been a heck of a ride - both personally and globally. The year had its share of up's and down's - of course, I am hoping for more up's than down's in the next year. I've thought of quite a few goals to help - ironically, I found it easy to write about the theory of effective goal setting a few weeks ago, but not so easy to implement in my own goal-setting; specific, measurable, and time-stamped - let's see if I can do that here. Finally, I get the feeling that there will be plenty of accountability through writing these down - maybe more than I bargain for.

A New Direction Counseling website and newsletter make-over. That's right, it's time to update and revamp the website and newsletter. I'm not sure what it will look like for sure - I've got a bunch of ideas dancing around - but it's going to be different. If not by the end of March 2011, then I expect some loud and obvious 'accountability' directed my way.

More opportunities for "Take Home Therapy" in the new site. I had quite a bit of fun creating the Food and Your Mental Health audios. I've got quite a few ideas to offer assistance when it comes to your mental health and wellness, and that of your family, short of coming in to my office. I think 2011 is the year to share more of those ideas. So, by the close of 2011, expect at least two new opportunities for "Take Home Therapy" available on the website. I'm not sure if that will come in the form of audio, video, or printed material, but it will be something - two somethings - by the end of the year.

Let me ask you, what are some topics or ideas you would like to see covered in a "Take Home Therapy" section outside of this newsletter? What do you think would benefit our communities? Feel free to email or comment with your ideas.

A book. Maybe two. From inside my head, to a bound collection of paper - or something more electronic in its representation, like an E-book. I've been putting this off for too long, and now 2011 is the year I will do it. It may be as simple as a collection of articles from over the years, things I have printed here or not. Then again, it could be original work along the lines of the Family Plan idea I've been sketching out - it could be both. Either way, you will see 1-2 books / e-books from me in 2011. If they are not in your hand within 370 days - I would appreciate a large amount of accountability.

Finally, one more half-marathon. May 2011. I'm already registered, now I only need to get to the starting line then to the finish line with a few miles in between. This time around, I hope to maintain my streak of beating my training partner - which should be too hard, as I would assume he is reading this article with a donut in one hand, and the tv remote in the other hand. This time around, I'd like to train consistently enough to beat my previous outings by at least a few minutes. It's been three years since I wasn't even able to run for one sustained minute. To celebrate, I'd like to beat my old time by 3-minutes. That's as simple as following the training schedule that starts in January. I'm going to need some accountability and discipline for that.

Four BIG goals - two by the end of the year; two in the first half of the year. I can do it. It's going to be a lot of work, but it will be worth it.

What about you?

What are your BIG goals for next year? Have you started planning yet? Have you written them down and thought about how to hold yourself accountable? Who will help you with your accountability?

Enjoy the rest of 2010. Make a great new year.

How to Design a Successful New Year's Resolution

2010 is coming to a close – there’s still quite a few days left to be enjoyed in the year, and I hope you are making plans to have a wonderful close to 2010. It is usually this time of year when we start talking about “resolutions” for next year . OK, so most of us don’t start
thinking about these resolutions for a few more weeks, but if you want them to be successful, I’m here to encourage you to start thinking about your goals now, versus on December 31st.

What factors help to make a goal successful? Or, a better question may be, how can you insure that you will be successful in YOUR goals in 2011?

Your goal should be specific and measureable. If you want to lose weight or become healthier, it is helpful to define what that means in specific and measureable terms. How much weight do you want to lose? What, specifically, does it mean to be “healthier” – less fast food, more veggies, a combination of both? If you want to put yourself in a better financial situation, how do you plan to do that? Will you save more? How much? Will you spend less? How much less? The first step in setting a goal and working towards success is to make that goal specific and measureable.

The next biggest factor in insuring your goal is successful is to put an expiration date on it – time stamp it – put it on the calendar. By adding a sense of time and urgency, you encourage yourself to break down the goal into bite-sized chunks over smaller periods of time. If you want to lose 20 pounds, when do you want to lose it by; March? June? Next year? 20 pounds in two months is an average of 2.5 pounds per week; extending that goal out 6 months makes it even easier. But the bottom line is setting a time limit helps you to make a more realistic weekly break-down. This works just as easily for financial goals – whether saving or paying down debt – by setting a measureable goal with a time-stamp, you can break it down into smaller, manageable chunks.

Finally, one key factor in achieving your goals is to build in accountability. You can be accountable to yourself by writing the goal down and reviewing your progress every week – you can also incorporate a variety of tools – there are tons online and just as many you can put on your phone for weight-loss, exercise, calorie counting, financial saving, etc. Sometimes, adding accountability is as simple as asking a trusted friend or companion to hold you accountable to your goal, or to work with you on the same goal.

Have a great holiday season, Merry Christmas, and good luck in the new year.

Put a Little "Om" in Your Day

Deep breathing and meditation have long been used by many cultures as an avenue to improved health. These exercises can relieve stress, provide relaxation in the moment, and improve our ability to handle the pressures of daily living. Engaging in these exercises on a daily basis can decrease the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Regular practice will have lasting effects that improve our overall mental, emotional, and physical health.

What is deep breathing? The act of deep breathing itself is simple. Unfortunately, we have become a culture of stressed out, on-the-go, shallow breathers - our daily activity typically keeps us so active, we forget to breathe.

Taking just 10-20 minutes of our day to focus on our breathing and to calm our minds can vastly improve our ability to succeed in our on-the-go days. Again, the practice itself is simple:

- Find a comfortable place to sit. Sitting in an upright position, trying not to slouch, will help open up your midsection and increase your ability to breathe deeply.

- Finding a time and place in our day where we will be uninterrupted for these 10-20 minutes is critical.

- It may be helpful to set a gentle alarm when you are practicing your deep breathing. If you are focused on being done in exactly 10 minutes, it may be difficult to focus on your breathing - setting an alarm takes the focus off the time so that you can just breathe.

- The breathing process itself is simple:

Take in a deep breath through your nose, filling up your lungs and more importantly, filling up your abdomen - the process of breathing in through your nose should take 7-9 seconds. Repeat.


While you are practicing, your mind may wander - especially the first several times you practice, you may find yourself worrying or going back to anxious thoughts. This is your time to focus on your breathing and relax, there will be time for worry and all those other thoughts after you are done.

Are You Hitting Your Peaks?

There are those glorious moments in life when we just feel like everything is perfect; Maslow summed it up as "those sudden feelings of intense well-being that fill us with wonder and awe; a beautiful sunset in an amazing vacation location, experiencing that "AH HA moment" after searching or an answer, summiting the peak of a previously insurmountable. There are many more to describe, despite how infrequently they seem to occur.


A recent Psychology Today article seems to suggest that we can help ourselves achieve more of these peak moments through a few simple alterations to our decisions and behavior. Here are a few ideas to help you experience more. If your life seems to be passing in a dull blur, try these steps for having more highlights.

Volunteer. The best way to not only create peak experiences, but keep them rolling in like waves, one after another, is to be part o a larger community that is making the world a better place", says Jeffrey Kottler, Professor of Psychology at California State University. "It doesn't really matter where you being... just save one person or join one cause, and let it grow from there. The passion can follow the action."

Challenge yourself. Something I am constantly encouraging others to do, and working on myself. "Periods of struggle to overcome challenges are what people find the most enjoyable times of their lives", says Mihaly Csikszentmihaly, director of the Quality of Life Center at the University of Chicago and author of Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. He advises setting a tough goal and starting on the steps that will lead to success. The challenge can be physical, mental, or a combination, like learning to play a musical instrument, reading the complete works of a famous classical author or poet, or completing a triathlon.

Buy Experiences - Not Things. This idea seems so difficult in a culture that is constantly marketing to us to buy the latest greatest and newest toy. These new toys usually make us extremely happy, for a very short amount of time... I rarely hear people rave about their new phone or computer for more than a few weeks after the purchase - and usually they are complaining if they bought in a manner where they have to pay continually (credit). But you frequently here them share about the amazing vacation they took with their family, or the wonderful dinner they splurged on, or the show that took their breathe away. Buy a child a new toy, and they will eventually forget about it, share time or an experience with your child, and they will talking about it as an adult.

Daydream about the future. "If you want to cultivate more memorable experiences, you have to have a love affair with the future", says Shane Lopez of the Gallup polling organization. "Painting a colorful picture will provide the energy to move forward". Daydreaming about the future, planning a course of action, and achieving is a sure method to more peak moments.

Recommended Reading:
 
If you are looking for more peak experiences and trying to achieve them in a creative way, this book is for you. I love Hugh McLeod's humor and his inspiring art. This book is full of both.

9 Ways to Stop Stress Before You Explode

There are very few certainties that touch us all in this mortal experience, but of the absolutes is that we will experience hardship and stress at some point. - Dr. James C. Dobson

We all experience stress, it's a natural and normal part of being a person; but it's how we experience it, and how much we let it into our lives that makes us different.

In previous articles I shared about the negative, life-threatening aspects of stress, and some techniques to relax or relieve stress. But what about dealing with the stress head-on? What about dealing with it in a way that it doesn't get to the point of frustration?

I have found that there are generally two ways to "manage" stress, to deal with it before it becomes too great; you can either change the stressor by avoiding or altering it; or you can change yourself by adapting or accepting the situation. Here are nine ways to alter or avoid stress:

Avoid unnecessary stress. Not all stress can be avoided, but the key concept here is identifying what may be "unnecessary" in your life:

Learn to say "NO" - know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, refuse to accept additional responsibility when you are already struggling with the ones you have. When taking on one more volunteer project for your child's school might push you over the edge, it's OK to say "no" to being asked to be "Head Room Dad"...

Avoid people who stress you out - if there is a particular person in your life who always adds stress, limit your time with them, or end the relationship completely.

Take control of your environment - If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic's got you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route.

Avoid hot-button topics - if discussing politics always ends in a shouting match about how "TERRIBLE" the President is, was, or will be; maybe it's better to discuss the weather. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it's the topic of discussion.

Cut back on the do-to list - If your calendar is loaded all day, every day; maybe it's time to take inventory of what things really "MUST" be done, and what "should" or "could" be done.

If you can't avoid the stress, there is a good change you may be able to alter it; altering the situation often has a lot to do with altering your response to it.

Express your feelings, versus bottling them up - communicating your concerns in a respectful and open manner can go a long way in changing the situation; allowing frustration and resentment to build up will only result in increased stress.

Be willing to compromise - When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you'll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.

Be more assertive - Don't take a backseat in your own life. Deal with problems head on, doing your best to anticipate and prevent them.

Manage your time better - Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. Very often, poor time management sneaks in to your life, and you don't even recognize it. When you're stretched too thin and running behind, it's hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead and make sure you don't overextend yourself, you can alter the amount of stress you're under.

How Stress Will Kill You

Stress was a great thing for us to feel thousands of years ago when we needed it. Back then, man needed stress to warn him of approaching doom - some large animal coming to eat him or his family, or war coming from the next tribe over. Stress was a survival mechanism that told the man, "fight or run". Once the danger had passed, the physical sensations that came along with "fight or run" went away - increased heart rate and blood flow, rush of adrenaline, slowed digestion, focused vision (sometimes tunnel vision), and overall physical excitation diminished. The man was allowed to return to his resting state and he did what men a thousand years ago did - not much - eat, sleep, procreate. It was a pretty limited, but easy-going existence.

Fast forward a few thousand years, and have we messed things up. Today, our bodies have a greater tendency to be in fight or flight mode due to some perceived danger - no longer do we fear the pending doom of being eaten by a large animal with big teeth. Instead we fear the doom of not making enough money, making too much money, not having the right job or car or mate or home or television. We fear being too thin or too fat, too tall or too short, too old or too young. We fear not making it to the couch to watch our favorite tv shows; or we have recorded so many "favorite" shows, that we fear never having enough time to watch all of them!

We have a lot of things to fear that our ancient relatives did not. Or at least we think we do.

All that fear is killing us slowly. Prolonged stress does terrible things to the human body and mind.

There is plenty of science out there to tell us the same.
I'll give you an example. Let me tell you a little story about a person I know. We'll call him...Dan.

Dan worked a 40+ hour per week job as a manager at a local facility. He was dedicated to his job, but also dedicated to "the big idea" of moving up and moving on. Therefore, Dan pushed himself hard to make everyone happy at work. Sometimes this meant working over, or coming in early. He traveled quite a bit. It was a stressful job, but it was the path to the "next big thing".

Dan was a dedicated father and husband, but found it difficult to make everyone at work happy, and everyone happy at home. Home life was stressful. Work life was stressful. But Dan was in pursuit of "the big idea", so the stress was "OK". The more stress the better, because that meant "the next big thing" was getting closer - so he added a few more jobs, more work and more stress to the mix.

With all the fighting or fleeing the perceived dangers at work and at home - trying to fight the beast of climbing the corporate ladder and being the traditional family - Dan had little time for eating right or exercising. He put something in his mouth that came out of a window from a building several times each day. He was too busy fleeing from place to place to worry about nutrition. When he was tired, he drank plenty of caffeine - sleep would have to wait.

Eventually, the stress and stressful living became too much. A day came when Dan "didn't feel so well". His stomach hurt, so he found a quick fix and took a pill - he didn't have time to figure out what the problem was, he was pushing himself to fight or flee.

The next morning, Dan's appendix exploded - apparently it had been sick for quite some time. He spent nine days in the hospital and lost 30 pounds. There were plenty of tubes and needles. He was forced to take three weeks bed rest to recover after the hospital. Dan didn't take the time to stop the stress, so his body made the decision for him.

It could have been worse. Most over-stressed people succumb to a heart-attack or stroke later in life. The compounding factors stress heaps upon the body will produce death - it's usually a matter of time.

That guy, Dan, was pretty lucky.

There are two ways to deal with stress:

Remove / reduce / get rid of the stressor

Cope with the stressor


We tend to force ourselves into more and more stress out of some perceived fear. Many times, a choice can be made to remove the stress, or alter the stress.

When that choice cannot be made, there are very effective coping skills for us to use.

Either way, you must choose. If not, circumstance, or your body, will choose for you.

Why Me?!

All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. -Walt Disney

If you call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be. -John Heywood

Perhaps there exists a possible benefit when hardship is also accepted as part of human life. -Bruce Wayne

Call it what you will: obstacles, struggles, adversity, pain-in-the-neck... Difficult times are a reality in our lives. As noted by the aforementioned quotes, struggle and overcoming obstacles is a reality for those who have succeed in life like Walt Disney, and something popular to discuss in literature from poetry to comic books. The concept is evident and obvious throughout time and place. It is well documented throughout history. So with all this information on adversity, why do we struggle with how we handle our struggles?

In recent times, adversity has confronted us in many well-publicized ways; natural disasters, struggling economy, job losses, international political confrontations. Many of us also struggle with more common day-to-day obstacles in our personal lives: work difficulties, financial concerns, relationship issues , mental / emotional / physical / or spiritual health concerns - the list could go on, because adversity presents itself in all facets of life.

Although these struggles are not unique, nor are they uncommon, they are unique in the way they are found in your life, the way they present themselves in your day, and how you choose to handle them.

There are a few obvious ways you can choose to manage the obstacles and adversity in your life.

Blame & Complain - this is an option that tends to be self-defeating and troubling to others around us, but also one of the easiest to engage in. It is much simpler, and therefore sometimes much more rewarding in the short-term, to blame the obstacle or the cause of the adversity in our life. Although not much progress is made, we tend to feel satisfied that we a target to focus our frustration on. Sometimes the more anger we can muster towards the obstacle, the better we feel about not doing anything about it. To add to the energy we spend blaming, we often engage in speaking out vigorously and aggressively about the obstacle - complaining. The two are often found together because they are easy.

If I could paint a picture of this solution to adversity, I suggest you imagine a large boulder in your path. You want to get somewhere - you are on a stroll towards a wonderful vista, and there is a giant rock blocking your path. The Blame & Complain solution would be to spend the next several days cursing at the rock, scolding the rock for being in your way, kicking and/ or hitting the rock, then resume cursing. The pattern could go on for quite a while - as long as you'd like.

Avoid - somewhat easier, and more self-defeating, is the solution of avoiding the problem. By pretending the problem doesn't exist, or by turning your back on it, you can trick yourself to think that you couldn't, or didn't want to, move past that obstacle in the first place. This solution often works for quite a while, until you realize that you really DID want to see that vista, or accomplish that goal, or improve that relationship, or doing something about your health - then the trick you played on yourself becomes a source of frustration and dissatisfaction.

In our picture, it would be the person who turns around and walks away from the boulder, walks away from the vista, only to realize much later on that they really wanted to get to that destination. There is a strong positive to this idea thought - and that is, at some point returning to conquer that obstacle.

The final style of dealing with adversity in life has a variety of names: succeed, achieve, strive, accomplish, conquer, goal-set; again, the list could go on. This is the act of acknowledging the obstacle, planning a path to the other side, and then implementing it. This can be done with most any obstacle in life.


Trying to climb over the rock, or squeeze around it, or fly over may work - it may not - but continued attempts to do something about it will get you to that vista.

Will every plan succeed? No. But something is gained or learned in every attempt - very often the act of failing can be enough to propel you over, around, past or through the obstacle. You can have an impact on the adversity in your life by doing something about it. It won't always work perfectly. But it will move you in some way further than where you were.

What are you doing about the adversity in your life today?

Are you blaming it? Are you avoiding it? Or are you planning a path through it?

Two Little Ideas That Opened the Floodgates

I'm not sure if it was hours of blueberry picking in the hot sun, or the extra barrels of blueberries I ate while we were laboring.

Maybe it was the yellow-jacket sting on my ear (yeah, that smarts - and it looks pretty funny too).

Or maybe it was the multi-page "honey-do" list I was awarded this weekend.

Whatever the reason, the cursed Writer's Block had come to rest firmly upon my shoulders.

Until The Muse arrived at the perfect time. Today he came in the form of a quick email from Seth Godin. Now, I know you may have had your fill as I have shouted my praise for Seth's work in the recommendations section of my newsletter. But I felt I owed it to you who have not read his work to share this piece, and then he will fade away from these articles, unless you ask for more.

Although a businessman and marketing expert, Seth has a great handle on the human condition and what makes us tick. His ideas here scream to be implemented in our daily lives:

The management of signals
There are two things we can get better at:

1. Getting accurate signals from the world. Right now, we take in information from many places, but we're not particularly focused on filtering the information that might be false, and more important, what might be missing.

2. Sorting and ranking information based on importance. We often make the mistake of ranking things as urgent, which aren't, or true, which are false, or knowable, when they're not. Dealing successfully with times of change (like now) requires that you simultaneously broaden your reach, focus on what's important and aggressively ignore things that are both loud and false.

Easier said than done.

I am amazed at how much insight can be packed into so few words. Here is what I took away from it:

"Accurate signals from the world" - How often do we misinterpret what we hear from those close to us? How often does a simple conversation turn into a disagreement with a loved one or someone at work, because we misread their tone, gesture, or meaning? How can we improve our communication with those important people to continuously improve our relationships with them? What other areas of our lives do we find ourselves taking in inaccurate information?

"we take in information from many places" - Take a moment to think about how many different sources of information you give your time and attention to each day: News media (tv, radio, MSNBC, CNN, ESPN, FOX NEWS), Social media (Twitter, Facebook, Linked In, Second Life, blogs), email (work, family, friends, people trying to sell you the next big thing), marketing (all those other ways you are trying to be sold the next big thing on tv, radio, billboards, text, phone, etc...) - and that's usually before you leave the house! At some point, MAYBE you have time to take in information from actual live people that you may have a deeper relationship with in a meaningful way. If you are fortunate, you may actually be able to have a conversation with the aforementioned person.

"filtering the information...what might be missing" - Do you take the time to consider the information you are receiving consciously or unconsciously? Do you ever wonder "why are they telling me this?" Do you question whether or not the information is given to you in a way that is in your best interest, or is it in somebody else's interest for you to consume that information? If the information is not good for you, who is it good for?

One of the most significant ways this realization occurred to me was in reading Dr. David Kessler's book, The End of Overeating, where he shares his interviews with food industry officials and their comments on how food is "engineered" to make us eat more, that "fat free", "sugar free", and "reduced calorie" may mean "unhealthy" and "you will eat more"; but that we are given only the information that makes it easy for us to digest.

"Sorting and ranking information" - as more and more sources compete for our attention, it's human nature to struggle to determine where our time and energy is best spent. In the end, it may come to a simple question of which is greater; consuming media or building relationships? Watch the 5th hour of programming on where a basketball player will continue his career, or play ball with the kids? Google new video of the same tragic pictures of oil flowing into the ocean, or take a drive to visit an old friend? One more episode of "The Deadliest Catch" marathon, or go fishing? It comes down to choices, your choices. And in a world where more and more people are competing for your choice in new and innovative ways, sometimes it's easy to forget you have a choice.

The final part that leapt out to me is "times of change" - really, aren't we always in a time of change? Whether it is personal or public, local or national, healthy or unhealthy, the world is always changing. You are always changing. Consciously or unconsciously; physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually; by choice, or by lack of choice - you change.

I've shared my thoughts on Seth's insights. I'd enjoy hearing what you think about his words. Hopefully my case of "Writer's Block" proved as insightful for you, as Seth's timely email did for me.

How to Get Lucky

There is a considerable amount of research being conducted lately on the concept of "Luck". From the research, it appears there are a lot of people who want to know the answer to the question, "how can I get lucky?"

The following is a synopsis of some of that research as reviewed in a recent edition of Psychology Today:

University of Hertfordshire psychologist and Author of
The Luck Factor, Richard Wiseman spent 10 years researching people's perceptions of their own luck. Over that time, he found that people who consider themselves "lucky" score higher on personality measures of extraversion. They are more likely to encounter new people more frequently in their lives, and tend to keep in touch with old friends more often. These same people tend to score higher in measures of openness and less in their tendencies towards negative emotional states like anxiety, anger, depression, and guilt.

Wiseman conducted an interesting experiment in which he offered two unique opportunities in the paths of two different people - one claiming to be "lucky", one not; he placed money on the ground, and planted a potential encounter with another person within a comfortable distance.

What were the results?

The self-labeled "lucky" person quickly noticed the cash, and struck up a conversation with the neighboring businessman; the "unlucky" person stepped right over the money, and sat quietly and sipped coffee without noticing the other person.
What does this mean for you? To be "lucky", according to the Wiseman study, is to notice good fortune everywhere through outgoing behavior and simple attentiveness to your environment. So the next time you go into that coffee shop, why not strike up a conversation with the person preparing your coffee, or the patron you see there every time you go in?

Another point in the Wiseman study is that you can increase your opportunities for good fortune by maintaining a large network of friends and acquaintances. For years, mental health research has told us that having a large social network can promote overall health, but in having a larger network, more opportunities for good fortune may come your way.

Wiseman conducted another experiment that illustrated the connecting between cognitive flexibility and luck. He gave subjects a newspaper and asked them to count how many photographs were inside - there were 43. Most of the subjects were able to find them within a few minutes.

However, they could have made the task much quicker and easier had they stopped to read the large type at the top of the second page that read "stop counting - there are 43 photographs in this newspaper; or, they could have been awarded $250 if they noted the message in the middle of the page that read "stop counting, tell the experimenter you have seen this and win $250." "Luck" in this situation, seems to be more akin to "observant".

What does that mean for you? Be flexible. Be observant. Going about tasks differently or more observantly might bring about more "luck" than you were expecting. Flexible people tend to respond to the same stimuli differently than more rigid personalities - very often leading to opportunities for chance and good fortune to factor in.

What can you do about it?

Try taking a different route to work - see what opportunities lie along a different route. Stop by an out-of-the-way place for a lunch or a cup of coffee, rather than heading over to the same place for "the usual". Switch seats on the train. Watch a new television program or radio station. Strike up a conversation. Try something new.

The answer to the question, "how can I get lucky?" seems pretty simple according to recent research:

Be flexible. Try new things. Be observant. Maintain a strong social network. Think positively. Be open to opportunities for good fortune, and good fortune will follow.

Good luck.

Want to Get Lucky?

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity" - Seneca (Roman Philosopher, 1st Century)

Most people have heard of this quote in one way or another. I interpret it to be a gentle chiding to make yourself ready, to be prepared for the possibility that opportunity comes your way. Seneca appears to be giving us 50% of the responsibility, while the fickle nature of opportunity is given the other 50%. Will this magical opportunity walk our way or not? If it does, will you be prepared. If not, alas, you did what you could, and you just weren't lucky enough to have opportunity come your way... It's sad, in a way, according to Seneca, we are only partially responsible for our own fortune. According to him, we can only work so hard, and the rest is up to chance.

There may be more truth in a slightly different commentary on "luck" by Thomas Jefferson,

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it."

Jefferson takes the concept of luck and fortune, and places it solely in our laps, telling us that we are responsible for our own good fortune through our own hard work. He tells us that we have what it takes to do the job, and to reap the rewards of "luck".

If we were to take these two comments together, maybe we are responsible for both our own preparation, and creating our own opportunity?

I would like to think so. Current research appears to indicate the same. But I won't wrap you up in statistics and scientific method this week - we'll save that for next week's article. Instead, I want to give you one simple change you can make to create your own opportunity and luck.

Maybe your days are like mine; full of lists, chores, tasks, jobs... all kinds of things that I "have to get done". I have wake up with a list running through my head, and then I have check the list next to my bed. It's my job to make the coffee - I've got to go get that done first thing. Then I have to take care of the animals, from there I have to wake the kids up and start breakfast while my wife gets ready for work. It's a fast paced morning of things I have to get done.

From there, I have to try to get some exercise in - hopefully a run. Because, let's face it, I can't promote exercise as a cure-all for mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical wellness unless I am doing it, right? Ugh, I have to go out there and do it. So I dutifully lace up the shoes and drag myself out on to the pavement. Ugh, running.

After that, I have to do the start the routine of checking the news and emails - what's going on in the world out there, and in my world here? From there it's off to the office to do what I have to do - seeing clients, making phone calls, consulting with doctors and insurance companies, writing articles... Ugh, it can be a drag...

Can you feel your shoulders slumping and your brow furrowing? Does this remind you of your day? Do you have pity for my unlucky and misfortunate day?

Don't.

This is not the way I go through my day. And I hope you don't go through yours like this either. If you do, we're going to change that right now. Here's how.

You can go ahead and stop agreeing with this kind of day. Relax your shoulders and raise your eyebrows - smile. Let go of any pity, and start thinking about preparing yourself and creating opportunity.

Here is the pay-off. Your one simple step to luck, fortune, opportunity, etc.

Replace the word(s) "should", "have to", or "must" in each one of these statements with a more positive affirmation of how "lucky" you are to be doing these things - just how fortunate are you to GET to do, to be ASKED to do, to be ENCOURAGED to do, to be APPRECIATED for, what you do?

It's that simple. View your day as an opportunity, realize that you are already "lucky" and more of it will come your way.

Here's how it looks:

I get to wake up and look at a list of things I get to do today that stimulate my mind and give me purpose! From there, I am blessed to be able to put coffee on - not just because I have an on-going love affair with coffee, but because I get to be of service to someone who appreciates coffee almost as much as I do - my wife. From there, I get to spend my morning with two little girls who adore me, and will always remember how their dad got them up and made oatmeal for them every morning, even though they had "dragon-breathe".

From there I get to lace up a worn out pair of running shoes - worn from the miles I have been fortunate to log over the past few months. I am blessed to run in the bright sun, or through the cooling rain. Most importantly, I get to run in a world where many others can't; and I get to share my experiences from this simple exercise with important people in my life.

All that in just a few short hours of the morning!? How lucky am I?! From there I get to go to a job I enjoy. I am fortunate enough to be present with people making changes in their lives, I get to help them develop insight into themselves, and I am honored to be a witness to their healing. With that, I have an outlet to write and share my ideas, and hopefully serve more people through my writing.

Same day. Completely different outlook. Is it that simple - just changing a word? Yes. The concept is a simple one - the implementation may not always be, but I encourage you to keep at it. You will find more "luck", opportunity, and good fortune coming your way by making this simple change in your thinking each day.

Next week, I will share with you the wealth of research that has been compiled around this simple idea.