Posts
I've talked quite a bit about goal setting and reviewing the past year here in these articles, and in my daily work. I thought that if I was prescribing this for everyone else, it would probably be a good idea for me to engage in some of the same behavior. So I thought it might be helpful for both you and I if I shared some of my goals for the upcoming year - hopefully you can help me with that much needed accountability, and I can do the same for you.
2010 has been a heck of a ride - both personally and globally. The year had its share of up's and down's - of course, I am hoping for more up's than down's in the next year. I've thought of quite a few goals to help - ironically, I found it easy to write about the theory of effective goal setting a few weeks ago, but not so easy to implement in my own goal-setting; specific, measurable, and time-stamped - let's see if I can do that here. Finally, I get the feeling that there will be plenty of accountability through writing these down - maybe more than I bargain for.
A New Direction Counseling website and newsletter make-over. That's right, it's time to update and revamp the website and newsletter. I'm not sure what it will look like for sure - I've got a bunch of ideas dancing around - but it's going to be different. If not by the end of March 2011, then I expect some loud and obvious 'accountability' directed my way.
More opportunities for "Take Home Therapy" in the new site. I had quite a bit of fun creating the Food and Your Mental Health audios. I've got quite a few ideas to offer assistance when it comes to your mental health and wellness, and that of your family, short of coming in to my office. I think 2011 is the year to share more of those ideas. So, by the close of 2011, expect at least two new opportunities for "Take Home Therapy" available on the website. I'm not sure if that will come in the form of audio, video, or printed material, but it will be something - two somethings - by the end of the year.
Let me ask you, what are some topics or ideas you would like to see covered in a "Take Home Therapy" section outside of this newsletter? What do you think would benefit our communities? Feel free to email or comment with your ideas.
A book. Maybe two. From inside my head, to a bound collection of paper - or something more electronic in its representation, like an E-book. I've been putting this off for too long, and now 2011 is the year I will do it. It may be as simple as a collection of articles from over the years, things I have printed here or not. Then again, it could be original work along the lines of the Family Plan idea I've been sketching out - it could be both. Either way, you will see 1-2 books / e-books from me in 2011. If they are not in your hand within 370 days - I would appreciate a large amount of accountability.
Finally, one more half-marathon. May 2011. I'm already registered, now I only need to get to the starting line then to the finish line with a few miles in between. This time around, I hope to maintain my streak of beating my training partner - which should be too hard, as I would assume he is reading this article with a donut in one hand, and the tv remote in the other hand. This time around, I'd like to train consistently enough to beat my previous outings by at least a few minutes. It's been three years since I wasn't even able to run for one sustained minute. To celebrate, I'd like to beat my old time by 3-minutes. That's as simple as following the training schedule that starts in January. I'm going to need some accountability and discipline for that.
Four BIG goals - two by the end of the year; two in the first half of the year. I can do it. It's going to be a lot of work, but it will be worth it.
What about you?
What are your BIG goals for next year? Have you started planning yet? Have you written them down and thought about how to hold yourself accountable? Who will help you with your accountability?
Enjoy the rest of 2010. Make a great new year.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
5 Tips for a Happy and Healthy Holiday
Many of us are wrapping up our holiday preparations – or anxious pressing full-steam-ahead to complete them. This is a time of year characterized by time with family, time away from work, and a celebration of family traditions and our spiritual life.
It is also a time of year characterized by stress and some unhealthy behaviors. Here are a few suggestions to prevent the stress from getting to you, and to help insure you have a Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays.
- Indulge often, but in moderation. You know this is the time of year when we have some of those special treats that are only brought out for the holidays – cookies and desserts we remember from childhood, traditional family meals, all those things that make the holidays special. Enjoy them – treat yourself – a little bit. Trying to avoid all of those goodies will only make you grumpy and difficult to be around; eating them with reckless abandon will make you feel guilty and bloated; but finding the right bit of moderation to sample is the key to enjoying holiday food.
- Embrace the pace. Whether you have a whirlwind of travel plans to visit every family member in one day, or a relaxed day at home, know what the day holds, and prepare for it. Whatever your traditions for the holidays, whatever your plans; prepare for them, embrace them, and enjoy.
- Spend wisely. You may have read this previously, but it bears repeating – there is no more sure-fire way to cause yourself undue holiday stress, than to spend too much or to leverage your credit cards for holiday gifts. Spend smart, and go in to 2011 with a solid financial plan.
- Enjoy family traditions – or start some new ones. Traditions help to keep us grounded and connected to our past, and to important relationships – starting new traditions builds new connections with family and friends.
- Have realistic expectations – there are few, if any, times in life where everything is “perfect”, yet we still have at tendency to aim for it – which can often be one of the greatest stressors we put ourselves through during the holidays. Rather than trying to make everyone happy with the “perfect” gift and a “perfect” gathering; set goals for what is “good enough” for you and your family.
Enjoy! Maybe that should be the easiest and most obvious tip. Whatever you do, whomever you are with, where ever you are – have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
It is also a time of year characterized by stress and some unhealthy behaviors. Here are a few suggestions to prevent the stress from getting to you, and to help insure you have a Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays.
- Indulge often, but in moderation. You know this is the time of year when we have some of those special treats that are only brought out for the holidays – cookies and desserts we remember from childhood, traditional family meals, all those things that make the holidays special. Enjoy them – treat yourself – a little bit. Trying to avoid all of those goodies will only make you grumpy and difficult to be around; eating them with reckless abandon will make you feel guilty and bloated; but finding the right bit of moderation to sample is the key to enjoying holiday food.
- Embrace the pace. Whether you have a whirlwind of travel plans to visit every family member in one day, or a relaxed day at home, know what the day holds, and prepare for it. Whatever your traditions for the holidays, whatever your plans; prepare for them, embrace them, and enjoy.
- Spend wisely. You may have read this previously, but it bears repeating – there is no more sure-fire way to cause yourself undue holiday stress, than to spend too much or to leverage your credit cards for holiday gifts. Spend smart, and go in to 2011 with a solid financial plan.
- Enjoy family traditions – or start some new ones. Traditions help to keep us grounded and connected to our past, and to important relationships – starting new traditions builds new connections with family and friends.
- Have realistic expectations – there are few, if any, times in life where everything is “perfect”, yet we still have at tendency to aim for it – which can often be one of the greatest stressors we put ourselves through during the holidays. Rather than trying to make everyone happy with the “perfect” gift and a “perfect” gathering; set goals for what is “good enough” for you and your family.
Enjoy! Maybe that should be the easiest and most obvious tip. Whatever you do, whomever you are with, where ever you are – have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
How to Design a Successful New Year's Resolution
2010 is coming to a close – there’s still quite a few days left to be enjoyed in the year, and I hope you are making plans to have a wonderful close to 2010. It is usually this time of year when we start talking about “resolutions” for next year . OK, so most of us don’t start
thinking about these resolutions for a few more weeks, but if you want them to be successful, I’m here to encourage you to start thinking about your goals now, versus on December 31st.
What factors help to make a goal successful? Or, a better question may be, how can you insure that you will be successful in YOUR goals in 2011?
Your goal should be specific and measureable. If you want to lose weight or become healthier, it is helpful to define what that means in specific and measureable terms. How much weight do you want to lose? What, specifically, does it mean to be “healthier” – less fast food, more veggies, a combination of both? If you want to put yourself in a better financial situation, how do you plan to do that? Will you save more? How much? Will you spend less? How much less? The first step in setting a goal and working towards success is to make that goal specific and measureable.
The next biggest factor in insuring your goal is successful is to put an expiration date on it – time stamp it – put it on the calendar. By adding a sense of time and urgency, you encourage yourself to break down the goal into bite-sized chunks over smaller periods of time. If you want to lose 20 pounds, when do you want to lose it by; March? June? Next year? 20 pounds in two months is an average of 2.5 pounds per week; extending that goal out 6 months makes it even easier. But the bottom line is setting a time limit helps you to make a more realistic weekly break-down. This works just as easily for financial goals – whether saving or paying down debt – by setting a measureable goal with a time-stamp, you can break it down into smaller, manageable chunks.
Finally, one key factor in achieving your goals is to build in accountability. You can be accountable to yourself by writing the goal down and reviewing your progress every week – you can also incorporate a variety of tools – there are tons online and just as many you can put on your phone for weight-loss, exercise, calorie counting, financial saving, etc. Sometimes, adding accountability is as simple as asking a trusted friend or companion to hold you accountable to your goal, or to work with you on the same goal.
Have a great holiday season, Merry Christmas, and good luck in the new year.
thinking about these resolutions for a few more weeks, but if you want them to be successful, I’m here to encourage you to start thinking about your goals now, versus on December 31st.
What factors help to make a goal successful? Or, a better question may be, how can you insure that you will be successful in YOUR goals in 2011?
Your goal should be specific and measureable. If you want to lose weight or become healthier, it is helpful to define what that means in specific and measureable terms. How much weight do you want to lose? What, specifically, does it mean to be “healthier” – less fast food, more veggies, a combination of both? If you want to put yourself in a better financial situation, how do you plan to do that? Will you save more? How much? Will you spend less? How much less? The first step in setting a goal and working towards success is to make that goal specific and measureable.
The next biggest factor in insuring your goal is successful is to put an expiration date on it – time stamp it – put it on the calendar. By adding a sense of time and urgency, you encourage yourself to break down the goal into bite-sized chunks over smaller periods of time. If you want to lose 20 pounds, when do you want to lose it by; March? June? Next year? 20 pounds in two months is an average of 2.5 pounds per week; extending that goal out 6 months makes it even easier. But the bottom line is setting a time limit helps you to make a more realistic weekly break-down. This works just as easily for financial goals – whether saving or paying down debt – by setting a measureable goal with a time-stamp, you can break it down into smaller, manageable chunks.
Finally, one key factor in achieving your goals is to build in accountability. You can be accountable to yourself by writing the goal down and reviewing your progress every week – you can also incorporate a variety of tools – there are tons online and just as many you can put on your phone for weight-loss, exercise, calorie counting, financial saving, etc. Sometimes, adding accountability is as simple as asking a trusted friend or companion to hold you accountable to your goal, or to work with you on the same goal.
Have a great holiday season, Merry Christmas, and good luck in the new year.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Are You the World's Worst Boss?
Complain about your boss all you want, you might be an even worse boss. In fact, you might be The World’s Worst Boss. At least that was the message in a recent article I read by Seth Godin. You can read the full article here: http://bit.ly/dTb78J . In it, he shares a variety of reasons why you might be the world’s worst boss – I really encourage you to read the whole thing, as I’m going to focus only on two words he wrote in the article, the idea of “managing yourself”.
As the article says, there are quite a few books available on the science and business of managing others, not so many on managing yourself. Even with that, managing others is a tough task – ask anyone who has to do it on a daily basis.
But what about the idea of managing yourself? There aren’t as many books out there on that topic, if there are any at all. We seem to live in a time when managing yourself is a necessary life-skill, but NOT managing yourself is the standard.
What would it look like if you were a better manager of yourself?
Managers have the responsibility of appropriately managing a variety of resources. How do you manage your resources?
How do you manage your time? Are you overworking yourself, or not using time effectively?
What about your finances – do you have enough coming in, or too much going out?
How do you manage the “natural resources” you have, like food?
Are you effectively managing your “culture”, your social connections?
Are you a good boss? How would you assess your performance and how you manage your self?
As the article says, there are quite a few books available on the science and business of managing others, not so many on managing yourself. Even with that, managing others is a tough task – ask anyone who has to do it on a daily basis.
But what about the idea of managing yourself? There aren’t as many books out there on that topic, if there are any at all. We seem to live in a time when managing yourself is a necessary life-skill, but NOT managing yourself is the standard.
What would it look like if you were a better manager of yourself?
Managers have the responsibility of appropriately managing a variety of resources. How do you manage your resources?
How do you manage your time? Are you overworking yourself, or not using time effectively?
What about your finances – do you have enough coming in, or too much going out?
How do you manage the “natural resources” you have, like food?
Are you effectively managing your “culture”, your social connections?
Are you a good boss? How would you assess your performance and how you manage your self?
Sunday, November 28, 2010
How to Deal with "New" Holiday Traditions
As I sit here on Black Friday, writing for an article to be released on Cyber Monday, pondering Small Business Saturday, and feeling absolutely stuffed from our Thanksgiving meal, I was struck with the fact that we have some pretty crazy ways to handle ourselves at this time of the year!
I mean, really, did I HAVE to eat that much yesterday? It WAS pretty good – I have some pretty amazing cooks in my family – so it was more like absolutely delicious; but so is most food this time of year! If you are like me, food is good ANY time of the year! Why do we plan to stuff ourselves mercilessly, and then moan when we are at the point of bursting? How many news flashes have you seen preparing you for all the weight you’re are going to put on this next month, and what you need to do about it after the fact?
And what about this idea that we simply must go out and indulge every instinct we have to spend extravagantly? There are some really good deals out there today, and over the next few weeks, but that still doesn’t mean you need them! In some ways, it’s as though we have been programmed to act against our own better judgment in the name of the holidays. How many of you looked back at that Billy the Bass Singing Fish and thought, ‘did I really buy that’? There are millions of stories like it.
Finally, the other new tradition that is a little unsettling is this idea that we must fear our families and experience excessively large degrees of anxiety at the thought of being with them over the holidays, or we just don’t love them enough. Look, my family is as crazy as anyone’s (I can say that publicly, because I’m pretty sure they won’t see this – if they do see it… just testing!), but there is no need to development the stress and anxiety that the movies and popular media tell us we must in order to show our “love” for our families.
It seems we’ve gotten things a little mixed up over the years, so I thought I would suggest some advice as we begin this ‘most wonderful time of the year’, so that you don’t have to begin planning a next year of resolutions and regret.
- Plan your eating. You know this is a rough time of year for the waist-line, start exercising now, not in a month. Volunteer to bring healthy dish to the office-party of family gathering instead of the cheesy-macaroni with extra cheese baked in butter-cheese with a side of cheese-sauce (yeah, it IS good, but…) Read up on healthy alternative out there at places like Eat This Not That, Men’s Health, or Women’s Health. Be conscious of what you are doing to your body, take care of it so that you can full enjoy the holiday season.
- Spend wisely. Like I said, just because a $1000 television is on sale for $500 dollars doesn’t mean I need to go spend $500 “because it’s on sale”. “Sale” is a marketing wizard’s way of saying ‘come spend money you never intended to spend’. Be smart with your finances. Spend money, not credit. Seek advice from people who know – I am a huge fan of the books of Dave Ramsey and his website DaveRamsey.com; Clark Howard also offers great advice on his website and radio show. If nothing else, keep in mind that time spend and memories created is a far better gift than a trinket.
- If you completed the ‘homework’ in my last article, I hope that “family”, in some way or another, was near the top of your gratitude list. Be grateful for your family. Plan for a little holiday dysfunction, embrace it, prepare for it; but most importantly enjoy it – it’s part of your family and who you are.
I hope you have a wonderful, enjoyable, and blessed holiday season.
Dan Recommends:
If you are looking to improve your physical health, this is the book that got me started:
I mean, really, did I HAVE to eat that much yesterday? It WAS pretty good – I have some pretty amazing cooks in my family – so it was more like absolutely delicious; but so is most food this time of year! If you are like me, food is good ANY time of the year! Why do we plan to stuff ourselves mercilessly, and then moan when we are at the point of bursting? How many news flashes have you seen preparing you for all the weight you’re are going to put on this next month, and what you need to do about it after the fact?
And what about this idea that we simply must go out and indulge every instinct we have to spend extravagantly? There are some really good deals out there today, and over the next few weeks, but that still doesn’t mean you need them! In some ways, it’s as though we have been programmed to act against our own better judgment in the name of the holidays. How many of you looked back at that Billy the Bass Singing Fish and thought, ‘did I really buy that’? There are millions of stories like it.
Finally, the other new tradition that is a little unsettling is this idea that we must fear our families and experience excessively large degrees of anxiety at the thought of being with them over the holidays, or we just don’t love them enough. Look, my family is as crazy as anyone’s (I can say that publicly, because I’m pretty sure they won’t see this – if they do see it… just testing!), but there is no need to development the stress and anxiety that the movies and popular media tell us we must in order to show our “love” for our families.
It seems we’ve gotten things a little mixed up over the years, so I thought I would suggest some advice as we begin this ‘most wonderful time of the year’, so that you don’t have to begin planning a next year of resolutions and regret.
- Plan your eating. You know this is a rough time of year for the waist-line, start exercising now, not in a month. Volunteer to bring healthy dish to the office-party of family gathering instead of the cheesy-macaroni with extra cheese baked in butter-cheese with a side of cheese-sauce (yeah, it IS good, but…) Read up on healthy alternative out there at places like Eat This Not That, Men’s Health, or Women’s Health. Be conscious of what you are doing to your body, take care of it so that you can full enjoy the holiday season.
- Spend wisely. Like I said, just because a $1000 television is on sale for $500 dollars doesn’t mean I need to go spend $500 “because it’s on sale”. “Sale” is a marketing wizard’s way of saying ‘come spend money you never intended to spend’. Be smart with your finances. Spend money, not credit. Seek advice from people who know – I am a huge fan of the books of Dave Ramsey and his website DaveRamsey.com; Clark Howard also offers great advice on his website and radio show. If nothing else, keep in mind that time spend and memories created is a far better gift than a trinket.
- If you completed the ‘homework’ in my last article, I hope that “family”, in some way or another, was near the top of your gratitude list. Be grateful for your family. Plan for a little holiday dysfunction, embrace it, prepare for it; but most importantly enjoy it – it’s part of your family and who you are.
I hope you have a wonderful, enjoyable, and blessed holiday season.
Dan Recommends:
If you are looking to improve your physical health, this is the book that got me started:
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Giving Thanks - More Than a Meal
Gratitude isn’t an easy concept to practice on a regular basis. We take one holiday each year to focus in on it – but it seems that amidst the cooking, cleaning, preparing, and family dysfunction, we tend to forget that the day was originally intended to offer thanks and gratitude for a bountiful harvest, and the relationships that helped achieve that harvest.
How does this relate to Mental Health and Wellness, you might ask? The study of gratitude has been quite the hot topic in the field of Positive Psychology over the past ten years. But rather than discuss the research literature of trait gratitude (the individual differences in how people feel and express gratitude) versus state gratitude (the pro’s and con’s of the short-term experience of the emotional state of gratitude) I thought it might be a bit more helpful to share with you an exercise in gratitude, and challenge you to find gratitude on your own this week.
This is a fairly simple exercise I used to do with young people and their families year ago – this can be either an individual or family exercise. Grab a piece of paper and something to write with for each person, and list all the things you are grateful for. Set a time limit, or to really challenge yourself, try to come up with 101 things you are grateful for. Once you get past the “easy” ideas, you will really start to realize all that you have. This is a great exercise for this time of year, but, much like the concept of gratitude itself, should be practiced more regularly.
My challenge for you this week – complete a gratitude list by yourself, or with your family. Take the time to discuss it with your family. I’ll get you started:
1. A loving wife who appreciates me despite my flaws (most of the time)
2. Two beautiful daughters and the joy and stress that comes with raising them
3. A career that provides for my family, and allows me to help others
4. A community that supports my ventures in life, but keeps me grounded
5. A fun and loving extended family that is a blessing to share the holidays with, quirks and all
6. My family of origin, who helped to mold me into the person I am today, again, quirks and all
7. Readers who tolerate my rantings, and appreciate what I have to share
8. ____________________________________________
Your turn – what would you add to the list? How many more items could you add?
Have a safe and enjoyable holiday!
Dan Recommends
Even though the Gratitude List is an exercise I used to do many years ago, I was reminded of it after reading the latest book by Rainn Wilson (yes, he IS Dwight for The Office) and company: SoulPancake: Chew on Life's Big Questions
- it's a fairly eclectic collection of art an ideas. If you like self-exploration on some of life's more intersting questions, add tis one to your list.
How does this relate to Mental Health and Wellness, you might ask? The study of gratitude has been quite the hot topic in the field of Positive Psychology over the past ten years. But rather than discuss the research literature of trait gratitude (the individual differences in how people feel and express gratitude) versus state gratitude (the pro’s and con’s of the short-term experience of the emotional state of gratitude) I thought it might be a bit more helpful to share with you an exercise in gratitude, and challenge you to find gratitude on your own this week.
This is a fairly simple exercise I used to do with young people and their families year ago – this can be either an individual or family exercise. Grab a piece of paper and something to write with for each person, and list all the things you are grateful for. Set a time limit, or to really challenge yourself, try to come up with 101 things you are grateful for. Once you get past the “easy” ideas, you will really start to realize all that you have. This is a great exercise for this time of year, but, much like the concept of gratitude itself, should be practiced more regularly.
My challenge for you this week – complete a gratitude list by yourself, or with your family. Take the time to discuss it with your family. I’ll get you started:
1. A loving wife who appreciates me despite my flaws (most of the time)
2. Two beautiful daughters and the joy and stress that comes with raising them
3. A career that provides for my family, and allows me to help others
4. A community that supports my ventures in life, but keeps me grounded
5. A fun and loving extended family that is a blessing to share the holidays with, quirks and all
6. My family of origin, who helped to mold me into the person I am today, again, quirks and all
7. Readers who tolerate my rantings, and appreciate what I have to share
8. ____________________________________________
Your turn – what would you add to the list? How many more items could you add?
Have a safe and enjoyable holiday!
Dan Recommends
Even though the Gratitude List is an exercise I used to do many years ago, I was reminded of it after reading the latest book by Rainn Wilson (yes, he IS Dwight for The Office) and company: SoulPancake: Chew on Life's Big Questions
- it's a fairly eclectic collection of art an ideas. If you like self-exploration on some of life's more intersting questions, add tis one to your list.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Do Your Friends Make You Smarter?
Admittedly, I am no expert on the ever-increasing popularity of the social phenomenon Twitter and Facebook have created. I do know that the more social connections you have - the better you are. The more real face-to-face friendships you have, the better life is. There is a large body of research that agrees with that statement and that can add statistics and theory to it. An entire field of psychology, Social Psychology, is dedicated to the study of how we interact, and what it does to us.
Friends are good. More friends are better, no matter what the situation. Friendships can help you recover from terrible situations in life. They can help you avoid terrible situations as well. Friendships fight of mental illness, and can prevent poor decisions. I was given several opportunities lately to put that research to the test - one happy reason, a wedding; and a sad reason, a funeral.
Whatever the reason, it is important for us to continually work to improve our friendships, cultivate new ones, and maintain the ones we have. Here's why:
- When our own subjective view of reality gets a little bit distorted - whether about ourselves, our careers, or our other relationships, good friends are there to objectively reintroduce us to reality - whether gently or more directly, a good friend is there when we need to hear "get it together".
- Research says friends will also engage in mutually helpingbehavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. What does that mean? It means that when you need a hand, a friend is there - and you should be there when they need that hand.
- Want to feel better - call a friend. Better yet, spend an afternoon reminiscing over "the good old days". Taking the time to get together and remember the past is a key to a healthy life.
- Want to live longer and stay smarter? Build more friendships and maintain them - research in older adults continues to point out that the more friends, and the more stable the relationships, the better we are at maintaining mental flexibility and fighting off the negative aspects of aging.
Hopefully, these points are no major revelation to anyone reading this. However, in a time of greater digital connectivity, we seem to be losing some of our connectivity in friendships. Relationships where we had to work to build a "friendship" are being replaced by clicking "Accept" to become friends. These concepts should be self-evident, but sometimes it is good to be reminded.
For me, it was great connecting over that week of ups and downs. Life can sometimes work you pretty hard - but don't let it work you too hard to miss out on one the most enjoyable, and most important parts of life - friendships.
So, as the holidays approach, take some time away from all the "busy-ness" of the upcoming weeks to rebuild or improve your friendships. As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to thank all those friends that have helped me grow, but kept me in check, helped me move quickly, or slowed me down, made me feel smarter, or reminded me that I am not as smart as I like to think I am. Thanks. Let's get together soon.
Dan Recommends
I've shared my appreciation for Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail
. Bryson is simply a great author who can make anything entertaining. So it was an easy decision to pick up his latest book A Short History of Nearly Everything: Special Illustrated Edition
First of all, it's not short, nor is it small. But it does appear to contain EVERYTHING! It's fairly deep, so I am only in the first chapter How to Build a Universe; and, true to form, it's been quite a read already. Bryson has gone pretty deep to help simple people like me understand the origins of the universe, the various theories leading up to the Big Bang, and where "God" and science fit in to the whole thing. I'll tell you more as I read along. If those "deep" questions are something that interest you, I highly recommend this one.
Friends are good. More friends are better, no matter what the situation. Friendships can help you recover from terrible situations in life. They can help you avoid terrible situations as well. Friendships fight of mental illness, and can prevent poor decisions. I was given several opportunities lately to put that research to the test - one happy reason, a wedding; and a sad reason, a funeral.
Whatever the reason, it is important for us to continually work to improve our friendships, cultivate new ones, and maintain the ones we have. Here's why:
- When our own subjective view of reality gets a little bit distorted - whether about ourselves, our careers, or our other relationships, good friends are there to objectively reintroduce us to reality - whether gently or more directly, a good friend is there when we need to hear "get it together".
- Research says friends will also engage in mutually helpingbehavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. What does that mean? It means that when you need a hand, a friend is there - and you should be there when they need that hand.
- Want to feel better - call a friend. Better yet, spend an afternoon reminiscing over "the good old days". Taking the time to get together and remember the past is a key to a healthy life.
- Want to live longer and stay smarter? Build more friendships and maintain them - research in older adults continues to point out that the more friends, and the more stable the relationships, the better we are at maintaining mental flexibility and fighting off the negative aspects of aging.
Hopefully, these points are no major revelation to anyone reading this. However, in a time of greater digital connectivity, we seem to be losing some of our connectivity in friendships. Relationships where we had to work to build a "friendship" are being replaced by clicking "Accept" to become friends. These concepts should be self-evident, but sometimes it is good to be reminded.
For me, it was great connecting over that week of ups and downs. Life can sometimes work you pretty hard - but don't let it work you too hard to miss out on one the most enjoyable, and most important parts of life - friendships.
So, as the holidays approach, take some time away from all the "busy-ness" of the upcoming weeks to rebuild or improve your friendships. As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to thank all those friends that have helped me grow, but kept me in check, helped me move quickly, or slowed me down, made me feel smarter, or reminded me that I am not as smart as I like to think I am. Thanks. Let's get together soon.
Dan Recommends
I've shared my appreciation for Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail
. Bryson is simply a great author who can make anything entertaining. So it was an easy decision to pick up his latest book A Short History of Nearly Everything: Special Illustrated EditionFirst of all, it's not short, nor is it small. But it does appear to contain EVERYTHING! It's fairly deep, so I am only in the first chapter How to Build a Universe; and, true to form, it's been quite a read already. Bryson has gone pretty deep to help simple people like me understand the origins of the universe, the various theories leading up to the Big Bang, and where "God" and science fit in to the whole thing. I'll tell you more as I read along. If those "deep" questions are something that interest you, I highly recommend this one.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)