Sunday, March 27, 2011

Will You Run 100 Miles Today?

Can you believe there are people in this world who go out and run 100+ mile races... for fun?!?




These “ultramarathoners”, as they are called, will race from early in the morning, through the day, into the night, hopefully finishing some time the next morning. You might imagine what their training regiment involves - grueling runs of 20, or 30, or 40, maybe even 50 miles at a time - often leaving for a “quick run” on a Friday night to return Saturday morning.



I’ve actually read several stories about them - Dean Karnazes “Ultramarathon Man” being a pretty good one on the topic. This month’s Psychology Today had a very good article on Podiatrist Troy Espiritu and his rise from human to superhuman. There’s quite a bit of discussion about golf ball sized blisters, eating while running followed by vomiting while running, hallucinations while running, sleep deprivation, delusions, broken bones, strained body parts... and people who do it for “fun”.



The article also shared several lessons we all can take from these ultramarthoners. Even though we may not feel the need to go out and run for 24 hours straight, we all need a certain degree of mental, emotional, and spiritual strength to face the challenges life throws our way. Everybody needs a certain degree of “toughness”. Or, as Salvatore Maddi, researcher from UC Irvine, calls it, “hardiness”.



Maddi conducted a 12-year study to evaluate the psychological well-being of telephone company managers. Halfway through the study there was an unexpected turn in that the telephone industry was de-regulated. This caused half the employees Maddi was studying to be laid off. For two-thirds of that group, the lay-off was traumatic. They were unable to cope - many died of heart attack and strokes, they engaged in violence, got divorced, and suffered from poor mental health. But for the other third, their lives actually improved - their health got better, the careers ‘soared’, and their relationships improved.



What is the difference between these two groups of people? Maddi defined it as “hardiness” - or the ability to look at obstacles as opportunities. Hardiness ‘gives you the courage and motivation to do the hard work of growing and developing rather than denying and avoiding”. The good news - hardiness can be cultivated and developed in you - just like it is in an ultramarathoner.



So what can learn from Maddi’s study and the lives of ultramarathoners? That being laid off doesn’t have to be the end of your career - but the beginning? Or maybe that you too have “superhuman” powers to overcome obstacles and run for 100 miles - or maybe just start with one mile?



The article offers four suggestions to cultivate YOUR hardiness:



Enlist the help of friends and loved ones. Have the support of others not only makes us feel cared for and appreciated, but it can also increase our motivation to complete difficult tasks or goals. Ultramarathoners often train in a group for long grueling runs - evidence there is a strong need to be a part of the group that motivates the runners behaviors, and the being part of the group might actually help relieve real aches and pains as the socialization causes the body to release “feel good” hormones, even while running 30+ miles. Being a part of a group will help you achieve your goals - even if your goals are beyond “normal”.



Seek out challenges. Most of us actively avoid problems and needless work. We work hard to maintain comfort and think of resilience as something we’ll reluctantly tap into in the event of some kind of personal disaster. The truly “tough” don’t enjoy personal struggle any more than the rest of us, but what they do enjoy is the opportunity to conquer an unexpected obstacle. Such difficulties and calamities are exciting chances for them to conquer, something to accomplish, not reasons to crawl back into bed.



The key to adapting a challenge-hungry frame of mind is developing confidence in yours abilities. One way to do this is to set goals that become progressively more challenging - intentionally expose yourself to situations that take you out of your comfort zone. Build your tolerance for the unexpected and uncomfortable by small increments, and eventually you will build your abilities and “toughness”.



Get physical. Not only does exercise build your physical toughness, but it is a key to overall mental/emotional AND physical wellbeing. The more you exercise, the more you build up your ability to tolerate stress and the more you increase your overall feelings of healthiness and wellbeing. The ultramarathoners in the study found that as their training increased, they were able to tolerate their children’s temper tantrums more easily, they slept better, and had more energy throughout the day. Isn’t that a great benefit and increase to your daily “toughness” simply by dedicating 20-30 minutes to exercise a few days per week?



Finally - Reward yourself. If you’re going to do all this hard work to train for an ultramarathon, or for life, doesn’t it makes sense to reward yourself for your accomplishments? Take a day off, treat yourself to a nice meal, of going on a little shopping trip. Just don’t overdo it - don’t engage in behaviors that would negate the progress you made in your goals, but look for rewards that might forward your progress, or increase the gains you have already made.



So, there you have it; four simple tips to help you on your path to become superhuman. This is the beginning to running a 100+ mile race.



On the other hand, this could also be a few easy ideas to improve life in general.



For the complete article, please check out Psychology Today April, 2011. There’s also a great article on how striving too much just might not be the key to happiness - The American Nightmare: We have everything the American Dream prescribed, so why aren’t we happy? Enjoy.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Is Work Eating You Alive?

Are you consumed by work?

Is your job consuming you?

I have been there. If you’ve read these articles for very long, you’ve heard my story of work stress and how it put me in the hospital for several weeks. The sad thing is, despite that bit of trauma, I still find myself allowing my work to take a bigger chunk out of me than it should.

I’ve also noticed that there are a lot of “us” out there. I have worked with quite a few people struggling with “work stress” – some situations become so severe that “work stress” soon becomes, “home stress”, “marital stress”, anxiety, depression, and a variety of other concerning issues?

Why is that?

Is it because employers know that it is a tough economy out there and they’ve got you where they want you? Or is it a choice, or series of choices we make, causing work to become much bigger portion of our lives than it should?

I think it’s both.


What can you do about it?

Refresh yourself with the POWER OFF button on your cell / smart / mobile phone. That’s right, it has a power button. It has a mute button too. You can use both of them at different times so that your time to be away from work is not interrupted. Is work that important that you need to have your phone on in church, or at 2am, or while watching a movie with your family?

While we are turning things off, how about turning the computer off too? Remember when computers where great big monstrosities in large plastic boxes that had to sit on a desk and stay connected to the wall? They got smaller and more portable with rise in laptop functionality – and the introduction of tablets has made it far easier to be “always on” – always productive. But were you meant to be always productive?

Since the computer is off, you can stop checking your email every 10 minutes. But what about when the computer is on? Researchers and productivity experts tells us that you should only feel compelled to check your email a few times day – that you don’t have to respond to everyone within 30 seconds of receiving their message – that is called “asynchronous communication” for a reason. The bottom line, that constant checking is eating in to your productivity and your down time. Set aside time to check a few times a day, but leave it alone for the rest of the time – set your smart phone NOT to alert you each time a new email comes in so you are not compelled to jump to it each time it buzzes/rings/chirps/sings.

Now that all of our electronic distraction devices have been turned off, what about setting aside some down time? Set aside time each day AT work to take a break – go for a short walk, grab some water, stretch, engage in deep breathing exercises, listen to a little music, take a quick nap – all recommended tips to de-stress, refocus, and relax. The amazing thing is your productivity will INCREASE if you do this throughout the day, so that you don’t feel compelled to work at home.

If you are going to have down time at work to increase your productivity, you certainly will have more time for down time, relaxation, and family time at home. Use this time! Schedule in time to play with your kids, make sure you are still dating your spouse several times each month (remember when you would date several times each week?!), develop hobbies to engage in, pick up a new healthy habit like running or weight-lifting. Block off time for you – and don’t let those devices interfere with it!

Drop the time-wasters like a bad habit – or at least set effective boundaries with them. The 20 minute session gossip at the water-cooler, the 15 minute IM session, Mafiavilles and Farm Wars all serve the same purpose; they suck up your time and take away your ‘happy’. They trade productive time or relaxation time and sometimes even money for….. well, I’m not really sure what the trade off is. I know I fell victim to the MafiaFarm trap for a while. And then when I woke up from the glittery haze, I was embarrassed to think of how much time I spent there, instead of being productive or doing something with my family.

In the end, it all comes down to setting boundaries – boundaries with your time, boundaries with your boss, boundaries with your work, boundaries with your life. Electronic devices have made it far too easy for those boundaries to disappear. But they are not to be blamed alone – we have to allow them to take over. By re-establishing those boundaries with your work, your smart phone, your laptop, your boss, etc; you will take back your life, and you won’t let work eat you alive.

Monday, March 14, 2011

9 Things to do with Your Kids Before They're Too Old

9 Things to do with your kids before they’re “too old”


It always makes me sad to here a parent say “I wish I would have done more” when it comes to discussing their children. For whatever reason they didn’t, it’s always sad to hear somebody wish for something that can never be returned to them – their child’s childhood.

On the other, I revel in the opportunity to hear about the time parents do spend with their children, and the great fun, learning, and bonding that take place. It’s a joy to hear a parent talk about trying something new with their children, and what they, the parent learned from it, as well as what the child learned.

I want to encourage you and implore you to spend more time with your children. Don’t wait. Don’t let their childhood pass you by. Don’t miss out on the opportunities to connect with them and build your relationship with them.

Here are several great opportunities to invest in your child’s childhood:

Go for a walk. There is something about going for a walk in the woods or even around the block that brings people closer. Getting a little exercise is good for everyone – and combining it with a discussion about the day’s events builds connections and your relationship with your child. Mix things up a bit by allowing your child to lead the walk and where you go, ask them why they choose to go the way they do. Some of my fondest memories as a young man were the times I went hiking with my father, and he would get us “lost” and I would have to lead the way back – it was a great learning opportunity for me, and a memory I will always cherish.

Read a book. Research indicates children of families who read do better in school and in life. Young children benefit from being read to, or reading to their parents – and let’s face it, they love it too! You don’t have to lose that as your child gets older – there are plenty of great books out there that you can read with your child; Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, and the Percy Jackson series are just a few that older kids can enjoy with their parents. Read the chapters together through the week and share the story and the ideas it generates for you and your child.

Cook something together – better yet, let them cook for you! Share your favorite recipe and prepare it together, or simply allow your child to make peanut butter and jelly for you. It is an empowering opportunity for them to learn a useful skill, and a chance to bond over a meal – be prepared for a little extra cleanup that you can share too.

Go for a drive. It’s amazing what you can see and talk about during a little drive through the country. Equally as fun is asking your child “straight or turn” at each intersection – let them make the decision to help get you where you are going.

Fix the car. There’s nothing wrong with letting your child get her hands a little dirty changing the oil, or pumping gas, or topping off the fluids in the car. I’m fairly certain either one of my girls could change the oil on their own – if not, they will have plenty more opportunities to help me with it! This is yet another opportunity to learn helpful life skills, but also a chance to ask questions and just be with you. It might take a little longer, but it is worth it to build a memory with your child.

Go geocaching. This is a great little hobby that used to be slightly expensive, but doesn’t have to be any more, if you have a smartphone. Geocaching is kind of like hide-and-seek, employing the multi-billion dollar GPS satellite system to find pieces of Tupperware hidden throughout the world. The last I saw, there are over a million geocaches hidden throughout the world. This is a fun hobby to inspire your child’s curiosity and watch their excitement of searching and finding the cache. Find out more at www.geocaching.com

Talk – ask a lot of questions – and listen to what you they have to say. Your child wants you to listen to them; they want your attention, that’s why they are constantly saying “watch me”, or “look at me” – they want you to pay attention. By talking with them, asking them questions and listening to them, you will let them know you are there for them, and you will decrease their need to engage in negative behavior to get your attention.

Take them to Disney World. I realize that his may not be a possibility for everyone, but I highly encourage you to give it a try once in your child’s childhood – that new big screen tv can wait, or maybe you can squeeze a few more miles out of your car in order to take them to Disney World. It is a trip they will never forget and will always appreciate – it’s an opportunity for you to get in touch with your inner child too.

Tell them you love them. This is the easiest, least expensive, and most impactful thing you can do with your child. Sadly, it is one of the things many children miss, or don’t hear enough. Tell your child that you love them as many times as you can each day – it never gets old.

Whatever you choose to do, whether it is from this list, or your own list, start doing it today. Don’t wait until “things are less stressful”, or “when the time is right” – children grow up to fast, the time will be gone before you know it. Don’t wait to be one of the people saying “I wish I would have done more”.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

"Life is Too Short Not to Do Something That Matters" & 13 other things I gathered from the Gaping Void

I’ve got a terrible habit.

When I’m not busy being a therapist, dad, husband, Sherpa, runner, coach, or superhero; I have a terrible reading habit. I contracted it at an early age. I tried to shake it, but I couldn’t. I read a lot. Science fiction, self-help, psychology, business, cereal boxes, inspiration, motivation, comic books - you name it and I will read it.

It’s been a great few weeks for me and my habit. Two of my favorite motivational-inspirational- business authors released new books – it’s almost like they were conspiring to do it just for me! I thought I would share some of the insight I have gathered from Hugh Macleod – artist/cartoonist/advocate for creativity at www.GapingVoid.com , and author of the new book Evil Plans. Hugh has an interesting perspective on life and business – one that I think can benefit you in a lot of ways. He’s deeply philosophical, somewhat “Eastern” while still being “Western”, and he truly believe we were all designed to go out and truly DO something with our lives. Here are a few of his ideas that resonate with me:

This is it. Fight like hell. You get one shot at this life – no matter what your spiritual beliefs, you are only given a finite amount of years on this earth to do what you are going to do. Shouldn’t you work like mad, or “fight like hell”, to make it a life worth living? If you are not there yet, what are you going to do about it?

You are responsible for your own experience. It is often far too easy to relinquish responsibility for our lives to someone else – spouse, parent, boss, government, etc. But in the end, YOU are responsible for how much joy and how much pain you experience, as well as everything in between. What will you do with that responsibility?

Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Somehow, we give up that creativity later in life, in exchange for a firm set of directives and directions on how to think, how to act, what to wear, and what to do. But what if you had that box of crayons back – what would you create? Would you draw a new career? Would you color out of the lines? Would you draw a book? What could you do with a new sense of creativity – even better, what would you do with the creativity you gave up after kindergarten?

Everybody has their own private Mount Everest they were put on this earth to climb. We can seek guidance, find a Sherpa, and help each other along the way; but in the end, it is up to the individual to choose to scale that mountain, or to stay at base camp, wondering what the summit looks like. It’s hard to always know what part of their journey another traveler is on, so be kind and help them if you can.

If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you. Plan for it – know that whatever you are going to do, it takes effort, energy, sacrifice, stress and sometimes pain. If you plan for it, if you know it is coming, it’s not as bad, and what you accomplish is usually far worth it. When it comes to training to run a half marathon, there are a lot of long and lonely weekend runs – I had a friend this weekend remind me, “start thinking about it now, and the pain is more manageable when you do it”. He was right.
Never compare your inside with somebody else’s outside. Our society tends to put a big emphasis on “stuff”. Whoever has the most stuff, the best stuff, and the costliest stuff is considered to be worthy of esteem and praise. We may often become trapped in believing that we will only be worth you esteem and praise if we have equal, or greater, amounts of stuff. Where do you fall in to the “stuff” trap?

The world is changing. Lately, you can’t NOT hear or see how the world is changing. We shrank the world in the past decade with the internet and digital technology – now what? Nobody is certain, but we know it will continue to change – where will you be in that change? Will you embrace it? Will you fight against it? Will you be active or passive in it?

Nobody cares. Do it for yourself. You don’t need everyone else’s permission or esteem to do or be something great. All you have to do is want it and be ready to work for it. Don’t wait for someone else to “let” you be great, go be great.

Choosing an easy life rarely ends up with much of either. I have been there and lived that – I have taken the easy way out, and found it to be more difficult and a complete drain on my life. Hard work pays off, and rewards us with a life worth living. Are you taking the easy way through life, or working hard to live it to its fullest?

The secret sauce is – there’s no secret sauce. I wrote about this a few weeks ago on my "other" website, as I was inspired by Po, of Kung Fu Panda legend. We spend quite a bit of time looking for that “secret ingredient” to get us motivated, to help us feel confident, or to guarantee success before we start to do whatever it is we are going to do. The secret is, there is no secret – go do it, stop waiting to find the secret sauce.

The world will ALWAYS conspire to make you less than you are…so decide what you are going to do about it, then act. No matter what you want to do in life, there will always be opposing forces that try to keep you from it. To succeed, take responsibility, formulate your plan, and execute it. If you fail, get up and do it again, but try something a little different. There is plenty of help available if you want it, but, in the end you must act.

That’s why we’re here – to make a DENT in the universe. Just one more answer to the question, “what is the meaning of life”. Are you searching for meaning? Start making dents in the universe, and see how that meaning becomes more apparent.

Everybody needs an evil plan. If you stop by my office, you will see this one prominently displayed. I like this idea, I believe in this idea, I live this idea. We all need to have an “Evil Plan” – a plan to break free of whatever keeps us stuck, a plan to become “better” than we are, a plan to do something that makes a difference. This “Evil Plan” can be within our current situation or career, or above and beyond it. Whatever it is, start planning for it – you don’t have much time. Life is too short NOT to do something that matters.

It’s fairly obvious I really appreciate Hugh’s Western-but-still-Eastern philosophy thing he has going on. He has some brilliant things to say about getting motivated and achieving in life. Did any of these resonate with you? Is there one you will take with you and implement?

To find out more about Hugh, take a look at his website, or pick up one of his books Ignore Everybody or last month’s release Evil Plans.