Sunday, January 30, 2011

Why it's Good to be a Steelers Fan



There’s a bit of a brouhaha cooking up out there this week – especially in north Texas. For those of you who may not know, the Super Bowl is being held this coming Sunday. The Pittsburgh Steelers will be playing for their world record 7th Super Bowl Championship against the Green Bay Packers – they only have 3 Super Bowl wins.


Those of you who know me know I am “a bit” of a Steelers fan. Unfortunately, most of the people I know who are still interested in the game - that is they are not still crying over the Chicago Bears or Indianapolis Colts - the other people I know are Green Bay Packers fans.

You can guess the “good natured” verbal sparring, fact citing, and “my team is better than your team” barrages have gotten, maybe, a little out of control. With another week to go before the game, I am looking forward to it getting a little more rancorous.

But here’s the really cool part – It’s GOOD for us! That’s right, being a fan, a groupie, a devotee, a ‘nerd’ to your favorite movie – it’s actually healthy for us.

Here is what I found about fandom in a recent Psychology Today article:

Whether you are a fan of a sports team, music, or movies – being a fan grants the ability for a temporary, positive, and healthy escape. We all need to escape the rigors an stress of daily life from time to time, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to escape – music, movies, and sport provide a healthy escape, as long as it is not taken to an extreme.

For sports fans, fandom can elevate that feeling of escape into euphoria. A recent study completed at Indiana University reports that when we watch someone perform an action, “mirror neurons” are triggered in our brain – in our mind, if we are watching someone catch the game-winning interception, our brain tricks us into feeling like it is really us doing it. The greater the observer’s personal investment in the action they are watching, the greater fan you are, the more intensely your feel when the interception is caught, or the home run is hit, or the goal is scored.

The study goes on to state that the end result is “a vicarious sense of success” – you get to feel as gifted, talented, invincible, and well paid as the athlete you are watching. All that for the cost of admission – or just sitting in front of the tv watching.

A University of Utah study found that die-hard fans experience the same hormonal surges athletes do. “They become more optimistic about their own life when “their” team wins – and gloomy when ‘their’ team loses. Sorry Packers fans, but February is looking mighty gloomy for you…

Sports fandom taps in to our strong caveman need to be part of a group – sports fans who faithfully follow a local team experience increased social connection – an important component for overall mental-emotional health. It is even believed the “crazier” the fan’s displays for his or her team, the greater the status within the group.

So there it is – being a rabid fan for the soon to be Superbowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers – being a crazy, loud, boisterous fan is good for you – as long as you do don’t let it get out of control.

Packers fans, good luck. But after the game, when you are confronted with those deep feelings of sadness and despair, I know a good therapist you can call.

Monday, January 24, 2011

5 Ways to Help Your Child in a Techno-Crazy World

I had one heck of a wake-up call this week. Hopefully you are more up-to-date with all this stuff than I am, especially if you have older children. If not, I hope this helps.




I remember a time when I used to think I was pretty knowledgeable about pop-culture and technology. I was hip. Yeah, back when hip meant cool and wasn't something that ached when I ran. I knew about technology when there was only one video-game platform and it allowed you to play against the guy sitting next to you, not the guys sitting in Australia.



Technology has made the world smaller and faster. We can now connect with others around the world and learn the answers to questions in an instant from anywhere at any time. This is certainly a great and wonderful thing.



Except, when it is not.



We've all heard the stories of kids who meet "the wrong people" through social networks; or ran up a $7,000 texting bill, or the child who spends more time playing video games than sleeping, eating, or studying combined.



There are a few very simple parenting basics that apply to this area of life for you and your family. Here are some tips to help your child navigate our techno-crazy world in a healthy way, and maybe help you learn something in the process.



Know what your children are doing online.



I thought I knew what "social media" was - twitter, linked in, facebook - those kinds of things I use every week either personally or professionally. As a "narrow-minded adult", I thought that was the whole of social media - boy was I wrong! There are social networks a-plenty out there! All of which you can access through your computer, laptop, or tablet, and most of which can be accessed through a phone.



Know which ones your child or teen is on. Know what they are doing on them. Know what kind of pictures of themselves they put on these sits. Know who they talk to and why they talk to them. Be a part of your child's online life - be there friend on Facebook, but be there parent in the real world. That means asking your child to be a part of their social networking world, or seeing what they do in these networks.



Set limits.



Setting limits comes right after you know what your child is doing - setting limits is the difficult part for a lot of parents, because we may be too interested in being our child's friend both on Facebook and off. Adolescence is a normally stage of development where children will test limits and push boundaries; it is a loving act to respectfully and responsibly set limits for your child.



This may come in the form of limiting time playing video games, limiting internet time, limiting texts, etc. If your child is spending excessive amounts of time in any of these areas, they are likely to be missing out in other areas. Current research indicates is mixed as too how much teens are texting - but all research agrees, it's quite a bit, somewhere in the 100-200 / day range. If your child is engaging in that much texting, or playing video games for 4-8 hours every night, what areas of life are they missing out on? Setting limits, and explaining why, is the loving thing to do.



Share the cost of technology.



What a precious gift - the ability to understand the nature of work, money, and the true cost of goods. There is nothing wrong with asking your child to pitch in for that new phone they want - owning and using a cell phone is a privilege (a very convenient one for parents, true) not a birthright. Owning the latest and greatest Iphone or Droid is one heck of a privilege, one that can be used as a teaching privilege. The same rings true for any purchase, your child would like to make. Encouraging them to work hard - either at a real job, or around the house - to earn all or part of that purchase introduces them to "the real world", where we all have to work to acquire what we need or want.



Teach them to type.



This can be a direct idea - especially for younger kids - or more of a philosophy in general.



For younger children, there are tons of opportunities for them to learn how to type - you can access a variety of fun and education learn-to-type tools on the internet, allow your child to work on them little-by-little every few days, and they will have it down. It is become increasingly obvious that children are going to need this ability earlier than we ever did.



I remember asking my mom to type my first "research paper" back in 5th grade - I was amazed at her skill on the "typewriter" - that old thing with the keys, arms, and ink. I took my first "keyboarding class" late in college, it helped considerably after several painstaking years typing by 'hunt and peck. My children are already being asked to do research and type papers far earlier than I ever did. They are going to need this skill - help your young children learn it. They are already interested in what you are doing on that machine, let them have their time on it and benefit from it.



The more "philosophical" idea is to teach your children and teens the "right" way to use their technology. This happens through the conversations you have with them about your expectations for their use of tech, as well as the role-modeling you do.



This philosophical also applies to teaching them the appropriate use of social media and your expectations as a parent. I often coach kids and families that social media is a great place to connect, but not always the best place to vent frustrations (or vulgarities) about friends, family, or coworkers. It's amazing how long that stuff lasts.



Spy on your kids.



Sort of. I don't mean this in a James Bond 007 kind of way, but in the way that your child knows that you are always lovingly keeping your eye on them. Check your computer, and phone, and their phone to make sure they are doing what they say they are doing. Have conversations with them about your expectations and check to make sure that they are living within those expectations and guidelines in the real world, and in the world of technology.



It used to be enough for a parent to check their teens dresser drawer for items that were considered "family contraband". Today, there are a lot more places than a dresser drawer, and a lot more things a family might consider "contraband".

Sunday, January 16, 2011

My 14 Favorite Resources

I wanted to take a break from my normal weekly articles to offer you something a little different. As I was perusing my offices the other day, looking for something to read, I realized, “wow, that’s quite a few books”. As I was looking for something for myself, I started to pick out different books for different people – books and movies I had referred to clients, suggested to family, or discussed with my friends. I was rather impressed with myself and how many I had read or recommended in the past year.

I thought you might find it helpful if shared my favorites in the areas most related to Mental Health and Wellness – the initial list was close to 50, so I reduced it to the best of the best. Feel free to comment if you have read them - I’d love to hear what you thought. (Disclaimer: these are ‘affiliate links’, meaning Amazon.com gives me a bright and shiny nickel for each purchase.)

Marriage, Family, and Parenting

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters – Dr. Meg Meeker

I’ve recommend this to many people, and many of you have heard me say I go back to this one at least once a year. If you are as blessed as I am to be the father of girls, this is a MUST read.

Dr. Meeker also has a book on parenting boys, but I have not had a chance to review that one, yet.
Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons

Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John Gottman & The Gottman Institute
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
My go-to marriage book for my own life, and the one I refer most in my office – scientifically based, but well written and easy to read. Full of interesting concepts, but, more importantly, helpful exercises to help keep your marriage working.

Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage - Gottman

The follow-up to the Gottman’s ground breaking work – this one has 10 case studies to read about how other couples handle situations

The Five Love Languages – Chapman

A classic marriage and family tome – and another I recommend in my office fairly regularly - this is the basic one aimed and helping you understand how you best give and receive love in a relationship. There are several variations available aimed at children and teens.

Should I Stay Or Go? : How Controlled Separation (CS) Can Save Your Marriage
There are times when marriage becomes so difficult that the best option might be to take a break to regroup. When marriage gets rough, sometimes a separation is helpful – this book is aimed and making those times productive, rather than impulsive and angry attempts to escape. If you have reached the point that nothing else works, this book – as well as the support of a marriage and family therapist – can help.

Mental Health & Psychology – samples of the science of understanding human behavior

Outliers: The Story of Success
Macolm Gladwell just doesn’t write bad books – of his four works, this is my current favorite. In Outliers, Gladwell researches and highlights the factors it takes to be a success – why is it certain Canadien children rise to the top of the National Hockey League and others don’t (hint : it has everything to do with the month they were born), how did the Beatles position themselves for success, and how did Bill Gates amass 10,000 hours of experience before anyone else? A fascinating a quick read that will change how you look at success.

Dorothy Otnow Lewis
Guilty by Reason of Insanity: A Psychiatrist Explores the Minds of Killers
If you have ever watched the news and thought, “How can they commit such horrible acts”, when it comes to criminals and their behavior, this book offers case studies and explanations.

Howard Dully
My Lobotomy
The heart-breaking story of one man’s unfortunate childhood that resulted in having part of his brain removed by lobotomy – a process that was performed over 10,000 times in the 1960’s.

Stress: Portrait of A Killer

A great documentary on the life altering impact of unmitigated stress – this is a dvd that spends more time off my bookshelf being loaned out, than it spends on my shelf.

Dr. Drew Pinsky
The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Is Seducing America
Dr. Drew has the unique opportunity to work with some of our most famous cultural icons through his psychiatric practice and substance abuse treatment in Hollywood. This book chronicles the mental health issues that are pervasive in Hollywood, as well as how the drive for people today to achieve their “15-minutes of fame” is creating a society of narcissists.

Other – really good books that just didn’t fit into an easy category

Hugh McLeod
Ignore Everybody: and 39 Other Keys to Creativity
Artist Hugh McLeod has a great story about his rise to fame, and a great book of short stories to encourage your creativity. His cartoons focus on topics of business, marketing, creativity, and just about everything in between – if you want a sample, check out his website at www.gapingvoid.com

Linchpin

If you have read more than two of my weekly articles in the past year, then you have heard me talk about Seth Godin – he’s a great entrepreneur, and a bit of a self-help genius without even knowing it. This is really about being all that you can be, doing emotional labor, fighting The Lizard Brain, and achieving.

Dr. Kessler
The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite
Terribly frightening but necessary read about the food industry’s manipulation of what we eat to “trick” us into buying and consuming more. This book will help you to review and understand your own habits an behavior when it comes to food.

Monday, January 10, 2011

5 Reasons Why the Time is NOW

Procrastination is one of those words that we joke about in order to avoid truly facing and confronting it. Sometimes, it can be seen as a conflict of priorities - like how I have procrastinated on writing this article all weekend; instead I chose to spend the weekend watching football with friends, spending time talking about life, and playing cards until way past out "bed times" - it was well worth it, it was higher up on my list of priorities, but now I have to face the consequences of my choices, and deal with the effects of my procrastination.

There are many times in life where your procrastination will only affect you - as my procrastination is only affecting me now. Usually it just means that you will have to work a little harder, a little faster, a little longer, and maybe a little later when you finally do "get around to it".

However, there are times when your procrastination impacts more than just you; or impacts you in such a way that it is more than just an inconvenience. These situations appear to be more and more prevalent. Here are just a few of the examples when NOW is the time to do something, and procrastination isn't such a joke:

- When the doctor says "your blood pressure is too high - you have to change your diet and start exercising, NOW is the time to make those changes, not next week. When you "wait until next week", "next week" quickly becomes next month, and 5 years have gone by. It may not be as easy to get that blood pressure under control.

- When your child says "look at me", or "will you play with me", or one of the myriad of other questions they may ask you, NOW is the time to pay attention, wholeheartedly, if just for a few seconds. More than likely, nothing that you are doing is going to have more of an impact on the world, than giving that child a few minutes to feel like they are the most importantly person in your world - you teach them they are valued, and you give them the attention they need to grow and develop to be a happy and healthy person.

- When your spouse says to you "I need more attention", or "I would like to improve our relationship", or "I think we need some help", NOW is the time to turn off the tv and give your undivided attention. If you haven't turned off the television enough times in the past, it may be time to call someone for help, or at the very least, check out the helpful work of the folks at the Gottman Institute and their work Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship

- When you are too stressed to sleep, too depressed to get up, or too anxious to go about your day; NOW is the time to do something about it. It MIGHT get better on it's own, but seeking the help you need, or gaining access to the resources that can help, WILL make things better quicker. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it, the only shame is delaying the time it takes to feel better.

- When you have a dream so big that you get excited just thinking about it - NOW is the time to take action! Are you going to train to run a 5k or a marathon? Is it time to leave your job and start your own business? Do you want to publish your ideas or research in your field? Whatever your goal, NOW is the time to start. We live in a time ripe with opportunity, possibility, and new and evolving technologies to success and accomplish. The only thing that is holding you back is your procrastination. The only thing holding you back is you.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy New Year! Now Don't Blow It!

As the new year approached, I wrote quite a bit about setting goals, maintaining goals, accountability to your goals. I even let you in on my goals for 2011.

It's the 3rd day of the new year, and I blew it already....

There were simply too many forms of cheese - my weakness food - at the last holiday gathering this weekend.

I haven't put on my running shoes in forever...

I didn't get out of bed early to write like I said I was going to.

I gained ten pounds over the holidays - NOW the goal to lose ten has doubled...

I just can't do it.

I didn't really think I was going to accomplish those goals.

What a joke.

Sound familiar? This is the voice in my head when things don't quite go as perfectly as planned. I can say a lot more meaner things too, these are just the words fit to print. Do you have a voice like this?

You can tell that voice to go away now - it's time has come. You will succeed in your goals this year. You may not succeed as perfectly as you expected last week, but you will succeed. It's a matter of altering your expectations for success.

You don't have to do it perfectly. You can make mistakes, you can even back-slide or regress. It's not a failure until you give up.

I WILL miss a few training runs before I get to the starting line in May. But the goal isn't to have a perfect training season, it's to finish.

I will succumb to the intoxicating effects of cheese a few more times - it won't be healthy, nor will it be pretty, but I can get back on the wagon.

I will stall until the last minute to write my weekly article, I may not even feel like doing it, but it WILL get done - just not perfectly.

You don't have to be perfect in the process of achieving your goal. You just have to work at it. You can fail as many times as you like. Each failure can be as long as you like - a day, a week, longer - but you can also pick yourself back up after each "failure" to get back on track.

Happy New Year - have a successful, happy, healthy, productive, wonderful, and blessed 2011.