The Dangerous Side of Self-Talk

I always hated public speaking. My first speech in my first speech class was horrifying. My classmates were concerned I was going to drop dead on the spot. I sweat profusely enough that it was raining on my notes. My face was beet red - I may have stopped breathing for 8-9 minutes. It was bad. From that moment on I swore never to speak publicly again.

What a cruel joke life can play on us. I've had to do quite a bit of public speaking over the past 15+ years. Initially, it was by force; eventually, I grew to like it. Today, I think it is quite fun. Rumor has it, I'm pretty "OK" at it. So it wasn't that big of a deal when I was asked to read in front of the entire church this past weekend. It wasn't even like I was speaking, just reading. I knew to take the time to review the material and practice a few times. It should've been a piece of cake, just like it had been a dozen times before.

Apparently, life had a few lessons to remind me of that day - because they came flooding back once I was up there, stammering in front of 100 people (no, wait, maybe it was 200 - surely it was a thousand; possibly even ten thousand, my mind raced...)

It really is an amazing phenomenon how your brain can split off and do multiple things at one time - "multi-tasking" we sometimes call it today.

While I was up there reading a few verses I had practiced for several days, my mind was going everywhere it shouldn't. My self-talk was in danger of derailing the entire situation. While I was only reading for a few moments, my brain was able to conjure up a million negative thoughts, ideas, and appraisals - all directed at how terrible I was doing. Imagine these ideas coming at you at light-speed, all generated by your own voice in your head:

- Everyone is looking at you
- They can't even hear you
- Why are they looking at you like that
- You learned the wrong stuff!
- Nobody is even paying attention
- You are reading the wrong stuff!
- I knew you would say the wrong word there!
- You are TERRIBLE at this!
- Your stammering
- You're sweating!
- Can they see me sweat?
- Your voice is cracking
- You should stop
- He's going to tell you to stop


Of course, the other obvious idea that came to mind was, "you should really write about this".

I know many of us experience this phenomenon of negative self-talk throughout the day. When we experience it too much, it can be detrimental to our mental and emotional health, or self-esteem, relationships, and our work. The bottom line is, it's just not healthy to go through your day telling yourself these negative things, ESPECIALLY when they are irrational, unreal, and far from the truth!

There are a variety of ways to reverse this course. Change your negative self-talk into positive self-talk. It really can be as simple as saying more positive things to yourself: I am succeeding, I'm not too bad at this, I'll get through this, etc.

Taking the time away from a critical situation to consider your negative self-talk can also help. Once you read this article, take a few minutes to write down a list of the negative things you say to yourself. Then write the positive on the other side of the paper. In doing that, you have just taken a huge step in changing your self-talk.

Dan Recommends

Just as patterns of negative self-talk can impact our mental and emotional health; negative patterns in our relationships can have an unhealthy effect on us, and those around us. I've found myself recommending this book to a lot of people lately - if you are struggling in your marriage, or would simply like to improve an already strong relationship, this is a great research based, but easy to read guide.