How to Turn Your Child into a Scholarship Athlete

I took my oldest daughter to the annual Father-Daughter Dance a few weeks ago. As always, it’s a wonderful and bittersweet event. Sweet, of course, in seeing her run around with her friends and timidly try to dance; bitter in that each year is a kind of marking point for her getting older and growing up. It’s a reminder to always enjoy the time I do have with her.


Par for the course, as the girls danced and gave us dads an occasional break, the soccer coach dads soon got together to discuss talent, strategy, and future prospects. Yeah, we take it pretty seriously. Once gentleman, who wasn’t “in” the group, sat and listened intently, his eyes growing bigger and brighter as we discussed and exaggerated about the skills of the more talented girls.

Eventually, as the hoopla died down, he asked; “how do I turn my daughter (3rd grade) into a scholarship athlete?

It was question I wasn’t used to answering, so I bumbled through a few ideas. And then I stewed on why I felt like such an idiot trying to answer that question. Then it came to me:

YOU CAN’T! You cannot turn your child into a scholarship athlete! It’s a combination of genetics, skills, coaching, luck, and fate that take a child from the local basketball court to the Final Four and on to the NBA. You cannot create a scholarship/professional swimmer like the good Dr. Frankenstein working in your backyard swimming pool.

I think the proliferation of the Tiger Woods story, and the stories, of most of our high-paid athletes has convinced us that all we need to do is spend all day, every day, working with our child on their sport, and they will grow up to support us with their million-dollar contract and endorsements.

It’s not going to happen like that. You can work with your son or daughter all you want, but they may not grow up to earn untold riches. But you sure can mess up their childhood and your relationship with them.

Here a few tips to help improve your relationship with your child through sports, while embracing the POSSIBILITY that they might just be the next Mia Hamm, Tiger Woods, Venus Williams, or Peyton Manning.

Don’t over-schedule them! Give them a break – kids have to play! Whether it is with Barbie Dolls at a young age, or electronics as they grow, kids need time to play; especially early on. It’s simply not fair to them to have them involved in something every night of the week, all year long, with games and travel on the weekend. We are creating small ninja-gymnast-ice skaters with the volume of activities some children are scheduled for each week; judo, karate, tai kwon do, gymnastics, hockey, baseball, soccer. And that’s just one child’s schedule!

One activity per season is generally a good rule. It will help give them the time they need to develop, and won’t stress you out and drive you crazy tying to get them from place to place.

Build their love of the game – whatever it is. If you can’t take the time to coach your child, then spend some time with them in the evenings or on the weekends playing and working with them on their basic skills. Throw the football around, go bowling, kick the soccer ball, play tennis – whatever is they are interested in. If you show more of an interest in their playing, and less about them winning, they will come to love the fun aspect of the game, and will work harder to become better.

Show up. Be the supportive parent, not the loud angry parent at games. Be present to help your kids before and after practice, but step back to let the coaches do their jobs. When it comes to came time, be supportive of your child, that’s it. There is no need to scream at other peoples kids, the refs, the coaches, etc. Think about the message you are sending your child with your behavior at their events.

Get them the 10,000 hours. Malcolm Gladwell wrote an amazing book – one of my favorites, Outliers – on what makes people successful. The most obvious fact that came out of his research was the Rule of 10,000 hours. Whether it was the Beatles, Bill Gates, or Mozart, they all had run into a fortunate opportunity in their lives to acquire 10,000 hours of practice in their area of expertise. From there, they became the best at what they do.

You can set up the situation, somewhat, for your child to accrue 10,000 hours of practice, but each one of these master’s in their area ran across an amazing amount of luck that granted them this time. You can do a little, but you can’t do it all – don’t force your child to spent 10,000 hours this year in front of a piano.

Allow them to say “No”. Your child should have the final say in whether or not they want to participate in a given activity. Don’t force it – this is a sure way to break down your relationship with them. If they want to take a season off from soccer, let them. If they are done with softball and not interested in playing ever again, that’s fine. Do not put the pressure on your children of living your sports life vicariously through them – there are plenty of adult leagues if you want to play. But let your child decide what activities best fit their personality.

Good luck. It’s not an easy job – parenting. I don’t recommend you complicate it further by putting excess pressure on yourself or your child.