Failure IS an Option

"Success or failure depends more upon attitude than upon capacity. Successful men act as though they have accomplished or are enjoying something. Soon it becomes a reality. Act, look, feel successful, conduct yourself accordingly, and you will be amazed at the positive results." - William James

As I was researching for this article, my daughter serendipitously entered in the room and, as is her nature, started asking questions about whatever was nearby. Now, if you've read some my previous work on parenting, you'll know that I strive to be a democratic parent - but often fail mightily as I face self-imposed deadlines and the pressure of "I've GOT to get this done". Therefore, it was an internal battle I fought against the urge to rush her on her way, and listened to her questions about all the words on a calendar she had in her hand.

As she recognized the letters and tried to put them together, rather than attempting to pronounce the word, she would ask me what the word was, and I would encourage her to sound it out, she would ask me, I would encourage her, never giving her the answer she wanted. This cycle went on for quite a while. What I witnessed was the exact premise of this article, wrapped up in a little 5-year old package with pig tails.

She knew the letters, she knew the sound they made, she knew how to put them together, I had witnessed her do this exercise countless times. But she didn't want to move forward, she didn't want to step into the unknown, she didn't want to get it wrong, she didn't want to try and fail.

Instead, she wanted to stay comfortably unaware. If I would have let her stay comfortable, we would have both gone about our days. But instead, I offered little bits of stepping-stone like encouragement, and she painstakingly and trepidatiously worked through the words; "Monday"... "Tuesday"...etc. The bright eyed, giggly joy she felt in finding a solution to her problem on her own was contagious. We shared that success throughout the day as we went about our individual tasks.

Obviously, that is a story of success; small success for most of us who have learned to read and have been at it for years; a monumental success for a 5-year old who is just now figuring it out. How do the points in this little anecdote relate to you, and your desire to change in your life? As I witnessed the experience, I was amazed at how her story fits with many adults path of change. Whether it is losing weight, stopping smoking, starting a business, or improving your overall mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health - the paths to success are all similar.

Do you fear failure? Are you worried that you won't "get it right" the first time? Do you hold yourself back from trying or even thinking about change, because the idea of failure just won't let you move forward?

Do you have the foundation, the plan, to make change successful? She had her "A-B-C's" and a basic understanding of their sounds - she had the plan - and it took her quite a while to learn it. Have you gone about the process of preparing for change; without that plan, she was sure to fail. Without a plan to change, you are sure to fail.

Do you have somebody to encourage you in your plan, or are you going to "go it alone". Having support, guidance and encouragement will increase your chances of success. Others can help you with your plan, and hold you accountable to following it. Trying to do it on your own increases the opportunity to fail, and sometimes can be the excuse you build into a plan for change.

Finally, have you had past success, even small success? How did it feel? Amazing? Exhilarating? Was it something you wanted to share with everyone who helped you, everyone you knew? What would it be like to accomplish something like that, or something bigger? Would you look back at that change and think, "that really wasn't that bad"?

Failure is an option. But so is starting over again, reformulating your plan and surrounding yourself with encouragement and guidance. Failure can be the end, or it can be a learning experience that builds on your next plan for change.

If you don't get it right the first time, try sounding it out again. You will be amazed how many different ways you can pronounce "Monday", before you get it right.

"A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying." -B.F. Skinner