Where were you born?

"Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made." - Bill Cosby

As summer approaches and we have an opportunity to spend more time with our children, I thought it was appropriate to consider a concept that has been studied for well over a century; birth order. I originally considered it to be an interesting idea to look at in terms of parenting - how we parent our children based on when they were born into our family. I quickly realized that the study of our own birth order is a helpful tool in taking a look at our own behavior and attitudes as adults.

The concept of birth order was first defined in 1874 when Francis Galton noted that there was an overrepresentation of firstborn sons among scientists. In the 100+ years birth order has been studied, we have found that it impacts a considerable amount of development from career choice to whom we marry.

Here is a look at what the research has found:

Firstborns

Intellect - Parents tend to have more time and energy to pour their resources into their firstborn child, ensuring that they have "the best" in life early on; thus resulting in an average IQ 3 points higher than their sibs.

Family - As the oldest, firstborns tend to act as surrogate parents to their sibs, taking on the role of family guardian. This factor makes them more likely to maintain family relations into adulthood.

Competition - Firstborns can struggle with the change of going from only child to older child. This can awaken a strong desire to reclaim and maintain their former position, causing them to be less trustful and more competitive throughout life.


Politics - Firstborns tend to be more conservative than their rebellious siblings. Radical political activists are 18 times more likely to be later born than firstborn.

Middleborn

Vocation - As they spend much of their development in the middle of things - often the family "peace keeper" - middleborns tend to be unbiased and levelheaded, leading to careers that often involve negotiation. You can often find them succeeding in management and politics.

Perfectionists - Middleborns play the part of both older and younger sibling in the family, often causing them to have no well-defined role. They're less likely to be seen as the favorite child. In one study, mothers defined their middleborn children as low in competence and achievement. Bearing the weight of this perception may reduce the middleborn's self-esteem, causing them to engage in perfectionistic thinking.

Friendships - Middleborns are more likely to be found with a close group of friends than with their family. They often form very tight bonds with friends outside the family as their primary support network.

Lastborn

Spirituality - Religious observance tends to be weakest in middleborns, with last borns often displaying the most "religiososity" - the importance of God in one's life.

Warmth - In families with three children, the lastborn is especially tender and giving, perhaps due to being babied through their early development.


Relationships - Research indicates individuals are more likely to form romantic bonds with those who share their birth order. This may be due to their similar personalities and life goals. Therefore, lastborns are attracted to the babies of other families.

How do these ideas relate to you, your childhood, or how you relate to your children? Some of these concepts are simply unavoidable realities - like the fact that parents have more time and energy for their firstborn child, before more children come along. Some happen simply as a result of being a member of a family - a part of an interactive system.

Each concept carries with it positive and negative qualities. As a parent, you can work to accentuate the positive, while mitigating the negative for your child.