9 Questions to Make Your Child Listen

Our relationships with our children are a strange and mysterious journey - often with no discernable path or map, but often with the destination of "doing the right thing" to help them grow and develop in the best possible way. These relationships are filled with joy and heartbreak, sadness and elation. They are some of the longest standing, and most meaningful relationships we will have in our lives. At the end of our lives, the relationships we have with our children will be one of the most significant parts of our legacy.

Let's face it; there are times today, when we just want them to listen. At times, when we are frustrated with their choices, or their behavior, we just wish they would do as we ask. There are times, when we are at our parenting limits, that the idea of a "relationship" with our child just seems too difficult to manage, when we are just trying to manage them.
I'm here to tell you these two ideas, building a relationship with your child and managing some our more difficult times with them, are one in the same.

It starts with simple conversation. If we want them to listen to what we have to say, to behave in a manner consistent with what we ask, it helps for us to demonstrate these skills to them. One of the best ways to do this - have a conversation - a real, honest, and open conversation. Whether your child is 4, 14, or 23; or any age in between, engaging in teaches them a wealth of knowledge about how you see them, value them, love them and your relationship with them. Done right, you teach them the skill of interacting with others, and the ability to listen, even to you.


Here are nine conversation starters to get the ball rolling. A few tips when using these powerful tools: you must listen - make eye contact, give your child your undivided attention, and make sure they know you are paying attention; you can't judge their statements - this is an immediate conversation stopper for any child. Even if your child says the most outlandish thing that goes against everything you belief, judging what they say and responding with something along the lines of "that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard," will end that conversation, and any future attempts. Instead, if your child says something you don't agree with, ask more questions, share your thoughts on the idea, continue the discussion; but don't shut them down. If you can do this, you will see your relationship grow, and watch the difficult times disappear.

The 9 Questions - adjust according to age.


1. What was the nicest thing you did for someone else today (this week, this month)? What was the nicest thing someone else did for you?



2. If you could travel to any place in the world, where would it be? What would you most like to do there?



3. If you were writing a newspaper article about your day, or year, or life, what would the headline / title be?


4. If you had $1,000,000 what would be the first thing you would buy? (a great variation on this, is to decrease the amount to $100). Another variation is to ask what your child would wish for if they were granted 3 wishes.


5. Describe your perfect day, from the time you get up, until the time you go to bed.



6. Teach me one thing you learned today that you don't think I already know. (This is such a powerful question - be ready!)



7. What movie/cartoon/comic book character would you want to be? Why? (One of my personal favorite variations - if you were a superhero, what would you superpower be?)



8. If a movie about your life was made, what actor would play you? Who would play your best friends? Who would play your family?



9. If you could ask God one question, what would it be? What do you think the answer would be?



These are just a few examples that can open up the relationship between you and your child. They are powerful tools to strengthen your relationship and to teach your child a myriad of valuable life skills. Enjoy them, and enjoy your relationship with your child!